Here's a superb recipe for complete chaos.

Take one dirt-filled rodeo arena, scramble in 50 fresh tots and a dozen clucking chickens dressed in dollar-bill leg warmers, then turn on high energy for three minutes.

When using older children, mix 30 youngsters with six calves. Trim the calves' tails with $10 bills and stir the pot rapidly for five minutes. Caution: If some of the bills appear to be glued to the tail, it may take a dozen clenching fists to loosen the loot.

For the main course, generously grease two 200-pound porkers with lard and release them into the custody of screaming, diving and filthy-shirted pre-teens.

"I just grabbed its legs and flopped it over," T. J Andrews, 14, of Polson, said after his team emerged with one of the pigs.

But his T-shirt said he tried to tackle the greasy varmit and landed in the dirt.

This meal served an audience of hundreds who came to stuff themselves with laughter at the Pioneer Days Kiddie/Slicker Rodeo, held Saturday afternoon in Ronan.

The sheep may not have enjoyed their 15 minutes of fame, however, as children grabbed ears and rears and pinned the wolley bugers to the ground, only to force a pair of boldly-striped bloomers onto their bottoms.

Some sheep were recklessly ridden bareback by daring young cowboys and cowgirls.

And the feast wasn't meant only for the children.

Mayhem was served in a later course as teams of three brawny men attempted to catch wild cows and squeeze about a cup of milk out of nipples that had never been touched by humans.

The cows seemed somewhat reluctant. Perhaps even panicky.

Yet the studly team of Mission Valley's finest young calf-letes - Kyle Middlemist, Sean Dellwo, and Tyrel Frame - accomplished the task as seasoned contestants ran out of breath.

For those with weaker stomachs, a light recipe was also available on short order as mere babes raced stick horses on a fairly civilized track.

Still, the event produced tiny tears as several small cowboys just couldn't handle the stress of rodeo.

Desert was the sweet smell of success for all the winners, listed below.

Kiddie/City Slicker Rodeo Results

Sheep Dressing

8-11 Years

1st - Christopher Mutchler, Desirae Glaze, Marisa Iseman

2nd - Kyla Olson, Margan Anches, Lyndsey Clairmont

12- 14 Years

1st - Molly Rae, Lora Jackson, Kayla Lynch

2nd - Kelsy Clairmont, Dani Crockett, Jordan Strozzi

Calf Bloomers Race

1st - Liane Clairmont, Christie, Matti

2nd - Jennifer Cheff, Tamara Starkel, Misty Cordier

Wild Cow Milking

1st - Kyle Middlemist, Sean Dellwo, Tyrel Frame