HAYDEN - It's a cold and gray Wednesday afternoon and Barbara Taylor is driving her 2001 Dodge Neon in Hayden.

She's not heading anywhere in particular. Nothing specific in mind. That's because she doesn't have a home. So she's driving and hoping that she finds one.

"I've had better days," she says with a little bit of a laugh.

The days couldn't get much more difficult for the mother of Ryan Taylor, who was shot and killed March 9 by his ex-wife's husband, Chad Moore, who later was found dead of a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

Barbara cries as she speaks of her son, who was 28 when he died, and says she misses him terribly.

"It's really hard when you lose a child. You're not supposed to outlive your kids," she says. "My son was a very wonderful kid. He loved his ex-wife. He was just trying to protect her. That guy went after him, he tried to run, he shot him with those bullets."

As she talks, Barbara Taylor drives. She doesn't like to sit still. She fights depression. She fights medical problems, including seizures that have plagued her since 1992. She has little money because she's disabled and lives on Social Security.

And now, she has no home.

Before Ryan was killed, she was living with him. She says she can't go back there now. Too many memories.

"It's really hard for me to stay there," she said.

That has left her drifting from friend's house to friend's house for the past three weeks.

"I stay until they can't stand me anymore," she joked.

If she can't find a friend's couch for a night, she sleeps in her Neon, her Labrador/Australian shepherd service dog, "Liebchen" by her side.

"Between me and my dog it gets kind of cozy in there," she says with a quiet laugh.

The laughter is rare these days for Barbara Taylor, and desperation is growing.

She says she's about to lose her status on the federal Section 8 rental assistance program. She's qualified for up to $550 a month, but can't find the two-bedroom house or apartment she would love to have so Ryan's three daughters could stay with her sometimes.

"I need space for my grandchildren to come and be with me," she says. "Now that my son has been murdered, their mom is going to be needing a lot of help."

Barbara Taylor had a place of her own, but gave it up so she could spend a few months in Colorado caring for her ill mother before returning to North Idaho in January.

Her son, she says, took care of her as best he could, and she enjoyed their final days together.

But when she lost her son, she lost the roof over her head, too.

"He always had a big heart," Barbara Taylor says. "I could count on him."

So she reads the classified ads. She visits rental agencies. She calls real estate offices.

Still homeless.

She has found nothing to rent for a few reasons: the $550 rent limit, her desire for two bedrooms, criteria that comes with federal assistance, and a service dog.

"I'm getting frustrated," she said.

And frightened, too.

Taylor says it took her years to get on the Section 8 rental assistance list. She said she'll lose her status on the program at the end of this week, but can apply for a 30-day extension.

"I can't afford to lose this," she says.

So she'll keep calling, driving, looking and hoping.

The days ahead have got to get better, she says. They've got to.

"It's been really, really hard," she says.

Taylor can be reached at 704-5636.