While shaving this morning I notice my face has began to lose its summer tan. I open the gate to my garden and quickly see the maturity of the jack-be-little pumpkins, which are reaching their miniature full-size, and wonder how they will look in the autumn cornucopia my wife decorates each fall on our dining room table.

I decide to pull my ripe carrots and onions as the cool morning air declares a change of season. I close my eyes, breathe deeply and imagine the ginger carrot soup I will create and consume this week. I imagine the delicious flavors of summer found in the frozen basil paste, dried herbs, canned pickles and fruits, and frozen soups prepared in autumn and winter from my summer work to warm my family's bellies on cold, blustery nights.

Chilly mornings and shorter days bring to mind some of my favorite family memories. Picking apples on the farms of Green Bluff, Wash., canning fruits and vegetables fresh from my summer garden, raking leaves in a sweater and sandals covering my favorably warm SmartWool socks, school clothes shopping, first with my daughter and now my granddaughter in search of the perfect, "First day of school," outfit and of course, the beginning of school.

This year is special. My granddaughter, the small, beautiful child too little to cross the street by herself and too young to talk to strangers, becomes a kindergartener next week. I'm excited and my daughter is excited - and worried. My daughter wonders, "Will she miss me, will she be safe and how will she handle bullies, what if the teacher is mean, what if she loves the teacher more than me, what negative things might she learn from other kids, will she be OK?" The first day of kindergarten is one of the most stressful and freeing days in a parent's life.

A child nurtured and protected is now venturing into the world without the protective amour of their parent and is becoming autonomous - embrace their journey of independence. I Caution; as a parent you will blink and your child will graduate high school, get married and have children of their own. Celebrate this time and each milestone in your child's life. Celebration makes life meaningful. Self-centeredness and self-importance has no place in a parent's life while raising a child - the child comes first.

I would like to offer a few suggestions to make the transition from home to school a safe and happy experience for the child and the parent.

• Be excited about this new phase in your child's life. Try to avoid anxiety and celebrate going to school. Clothes shopping, shopping for school supplies and talk about the first day of school should be celebrated. Hide frustration when a certain coat size can't be found or when the clothing bill is more than you expected to pay. Children adopt and categorize their parent's stress. A child does not mean to get stressed but subconsciously thinks, "Mom gets stressed out when dealing with school issues so I will get stressed out when dealing with school issues." To ensure your child clings to you and not allow you to leave the classroom when school starts, show stress to your child when dealing with school issues. Your child will reciprocate your anxiety.

• Celebrate the first day of school. Talk about school, teach your 5-year-old letters and numbers, teach your child to write their name, draw pictures and play school with your child. Ask your child for their favorite breakfast food and tell them you will cook it on the first day of school. Wake your child up early and allow time to fully wake before breakfast. Serve their favorite breakfast and celebrate. Put a candle on their pancakes, take lots of pictures and make this day special.

• Write your child's name on everything. Last year, the school I work at donated 22, 55-gallon garbage bags of clothes to charity. These were mostly new items left on the playground during recess. Write your child's name on everything.

• Teach autonomy. Let your child know you will be leaving after they are comfortable with their class. Allow children to hang up their own coat and backpack. This is the time to set the little bird you raised free to leave their nest and fly. Tears are expected - you and your child's. If your child becomes clingy and will not allow you to leave, listen to the classroom teacher. She or he will know what to do. They've done this hundreds of times and are the professionals.

• Get to know the parents of other children in your child's class. Go to coffee the first morning of school. You all will be emotionally confused and searching for answers. Trading likeminded stories and feelings creates togetherness. You might form lifelong friendships.

• Offer to work in your child's class. Children love when their parents work in their classroom. Become involved and become your child's hero.

• Introduce yourself to the principal while things are good. Getting to know the principal when your child is struggling or has made a bad choice puts the parent in a position of helplessness. The parent's anxiety increases and he or she cannot advocate for their child successfully. Work together as a team with the principal and teacher to increase your child's success.

• Put your child to bed early. Create a bedtime that allows your child 10-12 hours of sleep a night. A 5-year requires at least 10 hours of sleep a night.

I offer the perspective of a mother of three, a grandmother and kindergarten teacher who struggles with this quandary every year. Here is her story of sending your beautiful baby to their first day of school.

"I have done it myself three times and now watch 15-20 sets of parents do it every year in my class. It is too bittersweet. You want them to be strong, resilient and independent but you want them to miss you as much as you are going to miss them. It was the hardest for me with my last child and she was the most ready to go to school without me. How does time pass so quickly? This year I have a grandson who started at the same school as his mother 24 years ago? WOW! That really brings tears to my eyes. Thank goodness school starts in the summer so it looks like we should have the dark sunglasses we wear the first day of kindergarten as we hide the tears and try to stay so strong and wish them well at kindergarten. Our words, 'You are going to have such a great day and are getting so big.' Our thoughts, 'How am I going to have a great day knowing I will be away from my baby everyday now that he/she is at school?'"

Bill Rutherford is a psychotherapist, public speaker, elementary school counselor, adjunct college psychology instructor and executive chef, and owner of Rutherford Education Group. Please e-mail him at bprutherford@hotmail.com and check out www.foodforthoughtcda.com.