Like abuse itself, its stereotypes cut both ways. Society suffers its effects in public health costs, crime rates, lost economic productivity, and family violence cycles continue for generations in learned behavior. Victims suffer not only during the abuse, but throughout life, coping with psychological and relationship effects. For all, mistaken perceptions perpetuate problems or at minimum, do nothing to stop their proliferation.

The one thing over which every person should have unfettered control is one's own body. Forcefully wresting that power away is without excuse.

The primary point of national awareness months is to break through stereotypes, to educate by involving the community. April is Child and Sexual Abuse Awareness Month. Read about it, think about it, and better yet, participate in a local community event.

Be part of the change you want to see in the world.

An infamous Italian court reversed a rape conviction because the victim wore tight jeans; they figured getting them off took so much effort consent was obvious. Colorless "rape" drugs are slipped in victims' drinks, causing uncontrollable changes in behavior, memory loss, and limp muscles ('she acted hot for it').

Perhaps there were no drugs, but the victim froze, facing trauma like a deer caught in headlights. If she kissed him at the party, didn't scream and kick, she must have wanted it, right? The fact that all sexual assault victims report a complex sense of guilt just indicates buyer's remorse ...

Loud sounds next door and children with downcast eyes who seem afraid of a parent are none of the neighbor's business. Maybe the old man next door has too many bruises, but it isn't the state's business to raise a family. If I get involved, I'll just become part of the "mess," so who needs it?

We all do. Such stereotypical conclusions and reactions are why abuse continues to flourish. Both society and economy pay. We don't have to sit back and shake our heads in pity. We can improve our community now.

Become a CASA volunteer and help an abused child; their annual Ray of Hope fundraiser is April 21. You don't need to commit now; attend a free "CASA 101" community class one Wednesday in May and learn more (208) 667-9165.

Check out NIC's "Clothesline Project" and see how sexual violence impacts people. This student-organized display of personal and local stories is April 14, 10 a.m. to 2 p.m.

Remember the Italian court? The North Idaho Violence Prevention Center asks us to wear jeans (tight or otherwise) on National Denim Day, April 27. It's a simple way to send a message.

Finally if you are, or you love, a victim of abuse, you are not alone. Counseling can help tremendously. Consider the free sexual abuse recovery workshop April 30 at the Harding Family Center or call the NIVPC about this and other confidential help, (208) 664-9303.

Sholeh Patrick, J.D. is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network. Email sholehjo@hotmail.com