Sometimes, it seems I've been doing yard work forever. There's always something to do if you're a homeowner. The lawn needs mowing. One of the sprinklers is clogged, making a nasty brown spot in the middle of the yard. The gutters need cleaned out. And let's not even get into the ongoing war with weeds.

But for all those chores come certain "rules of the neighborhood" - you know, the guy code. Anyone who does enough yard time also gets in plenty of jaw time with his counterpart on the adjacent property. Two guys with rakes are kindred spirits, both banished to the outer reaches of their respective properties, bound by this goal of making their pain and suffering end as soon as possible.

Not to be sexist here - I know a few local female landscapers that could work me under the patio table. But there are just certain things you have to consider when you set out to set your kingdom in order.

If you want to maintain a healthy, next-door neighbor relationship, a few rules apply. Listening carefully to your neighbor while leaning over the fence or leaning on your rakes can save you both a few headaches with the missus.

Yes, that's right - save a few headaches. Two guys hanging off the fence are prone to discuss the latest idea they have about improvement of their grounds. Also, they often trade stories about some project gone awry, or the latest idea from the wife that "would look really nice."

Also, make sure that you give him full disclosure on the past and present of your humble habitat. Those who have not heard yard history are doomed to repeat it.

Any new project must be met with skepticism, and in the interest of harmonious living, find out from Joe across the way if the water feature you have planned for the front yard is going to force him to design a similar project against his will. Keeping up with the Joneses is nowhere if not the war of front-yard landscaping.

Faced with such a dilemma, all of a sudden that front lawn doesn't look so plain after all.

Some tasks supersede the guy code. Your house needs (I mean really needs) painting. Good God, man, grab a brush and get to it - guy code be darned.

Necessary tasks can still be jawed about over the fence, but they need no approval. Optional design additions, on the other hand, need to be thoroughly dissected.

Creating undue hardship on the neighbor is no way to get him to feed your dog or cat, let along water your garden, while you're on vacation.

We are lucky to live in an area that gives us the freedom to customize our yards fairly easily. Our climate (other than the recent late, late spring and the occasional winter kill) lends itself to grow most lawns, shrubs and garden items without undue effort. Once trees are established, it's off to the races. We are usually void of searing heat for weeks on end that would spell doom for most lawns.

So it's really up to us how we want to accentuate all of God's green creations with yard accessories. By "us" I mean the spouse's vision, mostly. For every bright, fabulous, yard-completing idea I have, there's usually a retort pertaining to a flaw in my proposal. Maybe it's too gaudy, maybe not proportionate to the yard or maybe the wrong color. If she can't find it, the neighbor with the rake sure will.

Finally, it's all about the invaders. A weed-free yard is always a dream, and in the days of heavy pesticide use, a foregone reality. But the Green Movement has brought forth guilt to those who once were masters of the spray-once-and-forget-it weed abatement program.

Nowadays, fighting weeds the Green way takes effort. I lost my weed puller (my teenage daughter) not so long ago to college, and a walk through the grounds will reveal no shortage of the un-sightful sights.

It's not so bad that the untrained eye would think that the place is unkempt. But it's just enough to utilize as the next big project once the wife unveils "the next big project."

Sorry, honey - those weeds aren't going to pull themselves.

Jerry Hitchcock is a copy editor for The Press. When he's not manning his wheelbarrow, he can be reached at 664-8176 Ext. 2017, or via email at jhitchcock@cdapress.com.