There has been much discourse about the state of marriage in the U.S. over the past few years. Recent data from the Pew Research Center and Census Bureau reveals that 4 in 10 say marriage is becoming obsolete. This data is in basic agreement with several other sources of information such as the University of Virginia's National Marriage Project (an annual assessment) and a 2006 Marriage CoMission Research Report by Life Innovations Inc. entitled, Marriage and Family Wellness: Corporate America's Business. For many, this information describes their own situation but unfortunately most are simply accepting of the troubling trend; social conditioning by lack of serious reflection.

Throughout the history of mankind, marriage has been understood as a long-term relationship between a man and woman not only for procreation but also for experiencing a bond that is designed to foster intimacy in companionship. Unfortunately, there is now much evidence for the weakening of the marriage relationship in Western societies over the past 50 years. Relativism, the replacement of thesis and antithesis (right and wrong, good and evil, etc) with synthesis has evolved in particularly Western societies and is now a dominant philosophy with its attendant ablation of morality, blurring of social lines and resultant confusion. With this new philosophy established in Western thought and applied to societal functions, it is not difficult to understand how the sexual revolution, and the advent of no-fault divorce were accepted in the 1960s and '70s. In addition, an increase of women into the workforce has led to increased income and either a decreased dependence on the husband as the provider or the dependence on two incomes to maintain the lifestyle with its associated stress on the relationship. So when a marriage is perceived as less than desirable, a divorce has become an acceptable solution. A steep climb in the divorce rate in the United States has resulted, peeking in the 1980s. Since then the divorce rate has decreased somewhat due to two primary factors; 1) better educated young adults are delaying marriage and 2) an increase in the number of couples choosing non-marriage cohabitation. This new "family diversity" has significant implications for future generations. According to a recent report from the National Marriage Project, "today more children are born out-of-wedlock (now almost four out of 10), and more are living in stepfamilies, with cohabiting but unmarried adults or with a single parent. This means that more children each year are not living in families that include their own married, biological parents, which by all available empirical evidence is the gold standard for ensuring optimal outcomes in a child's development." The authors of the report further suggest that "secular individualism" contributes to this decline in marriage and the nuclear family with father and mother at the center. "It features the gradual abandonment of religious attendance and beliefs, a strong leaning toward 'expressive' values that are preoccupied with personal autonomy and self-fulfillment, and a political emphasis on egalitarianism and the tolerance of diverse lifestyles. An established empirical generalization is that the greater the dominance of secular individualism in a culture, the more fragmented the families." This fragmentation is more than psychologically uncomfortable. Their studies show that children growing up in non-intact families compared to those in intact families, even after controlling for socioeconomic status and psychological health of the parents, are twice as likely to suffer from psychiatric disorders, diseases, suicide attempts, alcoholism and drug abuse. In addition, research carried out by the Marriage CoMission and Life Innovations Inc., indicates that dysfunctional marriages i.e. those leading to separation and/or divorce costs the American business sector 30 billion dollars per year. The financial impact on society as a whole is huge, with 112 billion dollars per year required to cover costs associated with divorce and single parent-specific government provisions.

This information should be enough to argue on behalf of efforts to strengthen marriage however, another extremely important aspect of marriage is often not even considered; a man and woman experiencing deep relational intimacy. No other relationship is designed for this opportunity. Individuals subscribing to Biblical precepts recognize that marriage is the earthly relationship ordained by God to mimic the intensely personal and intimate spiritual relationship with God that he desires for each individual. Those who do not subscribe to spirituality as expressed in the Bible also acknowledge the value in this type of earthly relationship. The differences between man and woman are clearly designed to complement each other, and the only way to discover each other's personal attributes; their thoughts, passions and desires is to be joined together as a single unit or biblically speaking, "and the two shall become one flesh." This type of intimate relationship includes, but goes far beyond the sexual union and is best described as a covenant. Marriage in most societies is intended to be a covenant made between a man and woman before God. During the wedding ceremony a vow is made by both bride and groom to honor the covenant. However over time in our society, the implications of a covenant have been lost for the most part and as a result the differentiation between covenant and contract has nearly vanished and the two made almost synonymous. However there is a distinction. A contract is made based on mistrust in an attempt to force both parties to uphold the conditions of the contract whereas a covenant, in contrast, is based on trust with vows made intentionally and with the understanding that it should be unbreakable. This fundamental understanding is typically explicit in the vows: "for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part." Based on the facts and views expounded above, I believe we Americans need to rethink our current situation and seriously consider valuing the time honored marriage relationship by seeking to strengthen it, rather than to substitute some other form of relationship and accept it as satisfactory. Feb. 7-14 is National Marriage Month. If you Google this, more information will be available.

Dr. Will and Cindy Goff direct Hope Marriage Ministries, a faith-based, non-denominational 501 c.3 not-for-profit ministry located in Coeur d'Alene. www.hopemarriageministries.org.