Mack's parents are frustrated. Mack refuses to do his homework, yells at everyone in the family, hits his little sister, trashes the house and is disrespectful to everyone he meets. Mack is a difficult child. This behavior leads Mack's parents to change their parenting style becoming more authoritative and disciplining more severely. They've tried spanking, time-outs, isolation, yelling, grounding, negotiating and kindness. They've removed everything, including the bed, from Mack's bedroom and told him he has to behave before he can earn back his furniture and toys. At times they simply give up and quit parenting altogether, allowing Mack to run the house.

None of these strategies have worked. Instead of positive changes, Mack's negative behavior has escalated. This attempt to control Mack's behavior has resulted in an increase in yelling, tears and fights, physical aggression, property damage and marital strife. Mack's parents need help.

Parents like Mack's need short-term, immediate hope for family survival. I offer this parenting bootcamp to quickly change a family's dynamic. Following these five steps offers quick changes, usually two weeks, to get a family in survival mode, back on track.

1. Spend 30 uninterrupted, positive minutes with the difficult child everyday.

Due to a child's past misbehavior and the parent's reaction to the child's behavior, the parent/child relationship becomes fractured. To reconnect this relationship, one parent needs to spend 30 minutes each weeknight with the child. Each parent can alternate his or her time or they may spend time with the child together.

• After two weeks of this scheduled time, another family member is added to the child/parent time to celebrate and play.

• Each week the circle of play broadens until all family members are included.

• Weekends are vacation days. This is a time to celebrate as a family and all family members benefit from spending time together and playing.

This is a time to listen, laugh, celebrate life and play and not a time to be critical, lecture, teach or fix problems of the day. The 30 minutes can be in the car, at home, walking the neighborhood or biking around town. Eliminating or canceling this time is nonnegotiable. If the parent or child is upset or too tired for parent/child time, the time spent together must still happen. Lying together or working on a puzzle qualifies as time spent together. The child must know the parent is reliable and will spend time with him even when he feels down, angry, lonely or sad.

2. The parents and child will build a daily expectation chart listing the child's daily responsibilities.

This chart includes chores, personal hygiene, educational responsibilities, downtime and private, alone time for the child. The child is rewarded for being responsible and held accountable for not being responsible by limiting downtime and private time.

3. Parents must parent proactively.

Proactive parents do not negotiate with their children. It is important to choose one's battles carefully and once a parent makes a decision, stick to it. When a parent raises his or her voice, the child will raise his voice and a fight will ensue. When the parent remains calm, the child learns the parent is not asking for a fight but expecting compliance.

If the child does not do what is asked, the parent will offer two choices when redirecting the behavior - the choice the parent wishes the child to take and an alternative to that choice. An example might be, "Clean your room or spend 20 minutes in your room thinking of good choices." State the direction clearly, understandably and describe the outcome when the child completes the direction. Do not state what will happen if the child does not complete the direction. This will make the child think you believe he will fail in his task and the child will become defensive.

4. School issues.

• Offer time to talk about what happens at school each day. This is not included in the child/parent time because often, school issues are inflammatory and need to be handled separately.

• Do not discipline a child for things that happen at school. The school will discipline your child if required and being punished twice is not healthy for a child who is already feeling out of control or persecuted. The child needs to understand that he or she can share things that happen at school with his or her parent and the parent will listen.

Home must be a safe sanctuary where the kid feels love and protection and not fear punishment. This becomes very important as the child ages and faces life-changing questions such as, "Should I get into a car with a person who has been drinking or should I call mom or dad?" My hope is for the child to learn to choose his parents for safety and not avoid his parents in fear of retribution.

5. Eliminate technology from the child's life.

Children do not need a cell phone, video games, Internet access or a bedroom television. Technology creates a barrier to human interaction and is the root of many family fights. Simply removing technology from a child's life might resolve many disagreements.

Parent bootcamp is a starting point for families in crisis and should not be considered a complete parenting guide for all families. I offer this guide as a Band-Aid to stop a family's emotional bleeding. When a family is in crisis, healing must happen. For this reason, parents need to spend healthy time with their children repairing past emotional scars. Being consistent, remaining calm, parenting with love and spending time listening to our children might offer some respite to a family in crisis.

Bill Rutherford is a psychotherapist, public speaker, elementary school counselor, adjunct college psychology instructor and executive chef, and owner of Rutherford Education Group. Please e-mail him at bprutherford@hotmail.com and check out www.foodforthoughtcda.com.