The Front Row with MARK NELKE July 3, 2011

As scheduling would have it, both Division I football coaches in the state were in the area earlier this week - Chris Petersen of Boise State, who was speaking at the Western Governors' Association meeting at The Coeur d'Alene Resort, and Robb Akey of Idaho, who was putting on a football camp at Post Falls High.

No word on if they actually hooked up for lunch while they were both up here. So we can only imagine what would have happened if, say, Petersen and Akey had decided to meet up for a round of golf at one of the local courses.

(The scene ... on the first tee.)

Petersen: "Coach Akey, good to see you."

Akey: "How you doin', Bubba? What brings you to this neck of the woods - other than trying to steal some North Idaho kids that I need?"

Petersen: "Ah, they asked me to come up here and give a speech to a bunch of governors."

Akey: "Was that rascal Butch Otter there? Maybe he can get those politicians in Boise to pass some bill that says Idaho and Boise have to play each year in football."

Petersen: "I don't know. Our schedule's getting kinda full these days, with this new conference and trying to play just the right teams so we're always in the hunt for a national championship."

Akey: "Yeah, but what about tradition? Our two teams have played each other 40 straight years. What about state pride? This game is the biggest thing in the state every year. What about the excitement of the rivalry game? That's what college football is all about."

Petersen: "I hear you. But our schedule is pretty full the next few years, and if ESPN comes calling with a game for us, we're going to listen."

Akey: "Yeah, right. I see you have room to play Toledo this year. I see you have room to play Tulsa. I'm sure there will be quite a bit of buzz before those games."

Petersen: “OK, I was trying to be diplomatic. But you play in a 16,000-seat building. We’ll play in front of five times that many people in our season opener this year (vs. Georgia at the Georgia Dome). We can go anywhere in the country, play in front 70, 80, 90,000 people, and bring home a much bigger check. Plus, we’ve beat you, what, 12 straight times. And they haven’t been close. What was it last year, 52-14? And the year before? 63-25.”

(By now, the competitive juices are flowing. On a par-5, Akey smashes a driver off the deck from 290 yards away for his second shot. Moments later, Petersen drains a triple-breaking, 60-foot putt that goes uphill, then downhill.)

Akey: “Hey, we’re getting better. We almost beat Fresno last year and if we had, we would have gone to a bowl game for a second straight year.”

Petersen: “Big deal. Now that we’re gone, and with Fresno, Reno and Hawaii leaving next year, who are you gonna have to beat to go to a bowl now? Moscow High?”

Akey: “Please. Don’t go making your league sound like the Southeastern Conference. Heck, we beat UNLV, Colorado State, San Diego State. When you go whup up on Wyoming and New Mexico this season, don’t go making it sound like you beat Florida and Alabama.”

Petersen: “So what. My AD says we’re not coming back up here anytime soon. But you’re welcome to come play at our place. How would you like that?”

Akey: “How would you like to ... ”

(Then the conversation turned illegible for a while. Moments later, onlookers were shocked to see the two coaches rolling around the 18th fairway, wrestling and throwing punches. People in the clubhouse stopped what they were doing to watch).

Assistant pro: “What do you think we should do?”

Pro: “There’s only one thing we can do — go wave the next group through. Gotta keep play moving.”

(According to witnesses, Akey, a former linebacker, got the better of the smaller Petersen, and was heard to shout, “Here’s one victory for the Vandals over you donkeys.” Eventually the scuffle ends, Petersen and Akey trudge up to the green, putt out and shake hands).

Akey: “Good luck in your new conference, coach.”

Petersen: “Thanks. Maybe we’ll see you in our league again in a couple of years. It’s happened before.”

Mark Nelke is sports editor of The Press. He can be reached at 664-8176, Ext. 2019, or via e-mail at mnelke@cdapress.com.