My name is Paula Austin. Recently my son Devon Austin was killed in a car accident. I say recently, it was almost nine months ago, but it still feels like yesterday. Devon was just 19, starting out what we called the second phase of life.

I can say now from experience, losing a child is the worse most unimaginable pain that a person will ever have to go through and it will never go away.

My husband and I are dealing with so many emotions that I cannot even describe. We need to talk, we want to talk, about our loss of Devon.

We still want to talk about his life, not just his death. We need our family and friends to understand somehow what we are going through.

My reason for this letter is that a close friend of mine, coincidentally the mother of the other young man that was killed with Devon, gave me the enclosed letter titled "An open letter to the Non-Bereaved," written by a mother sharing the same experience as we are. We were both in awe of how she so eloquently stated our feelings and emotions.

We find now the only people that we can talk to about how we feel and what we are going through is other bereaved parents.

Death is not an easy thing to deal with, and to compound it with a child's death, it can be very uncomfortable for friends and family and quite frankly they do not understand what we are feeling so they don't know how to help. I, myself was also guilty of that, before now.

This year alone there have been numerous young people's deaths in Coeur d'Alene. I am sure most of those parents are going through the same feelings as we are.

I was going to send the enclosed letter as a letter to the editor but it is too many words. I was hoping in some way this letter could be posted in the paper to give some insight to family and friends of the bereaved. It truly states how we, the bereaved parents of children, feel. I thank you for your time and consideration of my request.

An open letter to the non-bereaved

By PAT MOSER

Bereaved Mother

Ocala, Fla.

Dear Friends, Co-Workers, Church Family, Extended Family and "General Public:"

I am a bereaved parent. My child died. My world has been "turned upside down" and I have been "thrown" into a world of pain and grief that I never even imagined could exist.

The absolute "worst" has happened to me and my family. Our child, grandchild, brother or sister has died. Close your eyes for a minute and just try to imagine your world as you know and love it being totally and forever changed in one split second. Imagine that one of your beloved children that you kissed goodnight last night, talked to on the phone yesterday or said "I love you" today as they walked out the door to go to their every day regular activities DID NOT return home. Not today, not tomorrow or not ever! Just try to imagine getting a phone call or a knock on the door from the hospital, Highway Patrol, Sheriff Department or anyone telling you that your child is DEAD. I am sure that you can not even begin to imagine the horror of it.

It did happen to me and my world that I knew and loved is no longer, I am no longer the same me that you once knew. I am no longer the same "me" that I once knew. I am faced with trying to learn to go on without my precious child. Where do I start, what do I do? Where do I turn?

The pain is unbearable, the pain is constant in the first days, weeks and months and, I am told even years. I am consumed with this pain my every awakening minute. I cannot sleep at night; I cannot function at home, work or anyplace. I may put on a "good face" and tell you "I am fine or OK" but this is far far from the truth. I am NOT OK or fine. Quite frankly, I do not even have the energy to tell you how I really am and there are really no words in any language to adequately explain the horrendous pain, grief or longing for my child that I am feeling.

I am told by other more "seasoned grievers" who have also had a child die that "one day" I will not feel this constant all consuming pain, that will find joy in my life again but that it is a very long and hard journey of grief to reach that point. I am on that long and hard grief journey right now. I am trying and please believe me when I say I want to see the day when I can breathe and not feel just this over powering grief and pain.

I tell you all of this because you can help me so much by just trying to put yourself in my place and understanding what I am my family are now faced with. You don't have to have the "right words" to help me, for there are no "right words." But you can give me your hugs, your understanding and your support by knowing that this "grief journey" takes a long long time and is not something that I can "get over" (I don't have the measles) or "move on" from... I have to go through this grief to get to the "other side" of it.

Thank you so much for understanding.