Superheroes, sequels and explosions
Tyler Wilson | Hagadone News Network | UPDATED 13 years, 8 months AGO
"Fast Five" gave the summer movie season an early start with a record box office opening last weekend. Don't burn yourself out on bulging muscles just yet. There's plenty more mindless entertainment in the coming weeks.
Look for more superheroes, sequels and 3D explosions than anybody could possibly want. Here's a rundown of the season's biggest movies, all scored on the totally arbitrary Must See Scale (MSS). A 10 means you should already have a ticket. A 1 means "The Smurfs."
Marvel Comics opens a busy summer with the titular God of Thunder (Chris Hemsworth) banished to Earth to defend against otherworldly ghouls. Natalie Portman co-stars in the well-reviewed adventure. MSS: 8
Something Borrowed
Ginnifer Goodwin and Kate Hudson counter-program with a generic romantic comedy. MSS: 3
May 13
Priest
Graphic novel adaptation about a priest (Paul Bettany) who hunts down vampires not named Edward or Jacob. MSS: 4
Bridesmaids
A Judd Apatow produced comedy that, for once, focuses on the ladies, including Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph and Rose Byrne. MSS: 6
May 20
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Johnny Depp returns for a fourth outing as Captain Jack Sparrow in a storyline that Disney promises is way, way way less convoluted than the last two sequels. MSS: 8
May 27
The Hangover Part II
The Wolfpack recalls another horrific night of debauchery - this time in Bangkok. A monkey plays a prominent role-- always a good sign. MSS: 7
Kung Fu Panda 2
Dreamworks Animation's best feature gets a sequel, with Jack Black's Po and the Furious Five facing a new villain (with the voice of Gary Oldman!). MSS: 9
June 3
X-Men: First Class
The 1960s set prequel focuses on the relationship between a young Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) and Magneto (Michael Fassbender). Look, it MUST be better than "X-Men Origins: Wolverine." MSS: 6
June 10
Super 8
J.J. Abrams ("Star Trek") directs this science-fiction homage to Steven Spielberg. The 1970s set adventure follows a group of young kids who witness an extraordinary train accident. MSS: 10
Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer
Sure-to-be-adorable kid fodder based on the Judy Moody book series. MSS: 3
June 17
Green Lantern
Ryan Reynolds is the DC Comics hero in a film that looks to be more otherworldly than the standard superhero fare. That CGI costume, however, looks terrible. MSS: 6
Mr. Popper's Penguins
Jim Carrey inherits six penguins and starts his own pet detective agency. I mean, probably. MSS: 5
June 24
Cars 2
Pixar's least beloved film gets a sequel, with Lightning McQueen and Mater mistakenly engaged in espionage around the world. Looks fun enough, but some are predicting it could be Pixar's first real disappointment. MSS: 8
Bad Teacher
Cameron Diaz is a foul-mouthed educator in a comedy that is the last thing the teacher's union wants you to see right now. MSS: 6
Expanding in June
The Beaver
Fresh off his recent personal crazy, Mel Gibson plays a crazy guy who speaks through a hand puppet. Jodie Foster co-stars and directs. MSS: 5
The Tree of Life
Acclaimed filmmaker Terrence Malick finally brings this mysterious drama to theaters. Starring Brad Pitt and Sean Penn. Check out the enticing trailer. MSS: 9
July 1
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
The first sequel, "Revenge of the Fallen," was a disastrous mess. This new one looks better, but never disregard Michael Bay's mind-numbing bad habits. MSS: 5
Larry Crowne
Tom Hanks directs and stars in this comedy about a middle-aged man who goes back to college. Julia Roberts co-stars as the alluring teacher. MSS: 7
July 8
Horrible Bosses
A dark comedy that follows three guys who conspire to kill their awful employers. The solid cast includes Kevin Spacey, Colin Farrell, Jennifer Aniston, Jason Bateman and "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" MVP Charlie Day. MSS: 8
Zookeeper
Kevin James and talking animals, or "Paul Blart 2: Even Worse Than Ever Thought Possible." MSS: 1
July 15
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
It all (finally) ends here, and it looks incredible. MSS: 10
Winnie the Pooh
Disney returns to the Hundred Acre Wood for this big screen adventure, thankfully created using traditional animation methods. Go Team Eeyore! MSS: 6
July 22
Captain America: The First Avenger
Chris Evans plays the final essential component of Marvel's "Avengers" team. Despite the overall superhero fatigue, this one actually looks pretty fun. MSS: 9
Friends with Benefits
Hopefully better than "No Strings Attached." MSS: 4
July 29
Cowboys & Aliens
James Bond (Daniel Craig) and Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) battle aliens in the Old West. MSS: 9
Crazy, Stupid, Love.
Steve Carell begins his post-"Office" career with a dramedy about a long-married man forced back onto the dating scene. MSS: 8
The Smurfs
Neil Patrick Harris, you are better than this. MSS: 1
August 5
The Change-Up
Basically an R-rated "Freaky Friday" with Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds. MSS: 3
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Kinda explains itself, doesn't it? James Franco plays a scientist who, after experimenting on hyper-intelligent apes, is forced to cut his own arm off (probably). MSS: 5
August 12
30 Minutes or Less
A comedy about hapless criminals who force a pizza delivery driver to rob a bank in 30 minutes or less. Jesse Eisenberg, Danny McBride and Aziz Ansari lead the cast. MSS: 6
The Help
The beloved novel comes to the big screen starring Emma Stone, Viola Davis and Bryce Dallas Howard in the only summer movie where women don't play hottie sidekicks or vacant objects of affection. MSS: 8
Destination 5
Really? MSS: 1
August 19
Conan the Barbarian
Remake without Arnold Schwarzenegger - nobody cares. MSS: 2
Fright Night
Horror remake that's hopefully elevated by Colin Farrell co-starring as a vampire. MSS: 4
Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World
Nothing to report here. MSS: 1
One Day
Anne Hathaway and Jim Sturgess play hopeless romantics who reunite every year on the date of their college graduation. MSS: 4
August 26
Apollo 18
We stopped going to the moon for a good reason, apparently. MSS: 5
Don't Be Afraid
of the Dark
Don't tell me what to do, creepy-looking haunted house movie. MSS: 6
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