As humanity ages it tends to progress, but not always. In one very important area civilization has regressed: our approach to death. Death is natural; that's obvious, yet we forget, attempting to deny it long before its natural time, always wanting to look, act, and pretend to be younger. It fails; age (maturity aside) can't be masked in artifice and by denying truth, we suffer needlessly.

It wasn't always thus. Ancient civilizations had respectful, comforting, and even celebratory rituals to ease the passage from life to death. They gave it positive meaning for the entire community.

Worse is the suffering we cause the dying by this attitude; we make it harder for passing loved ones who must interrupt their final needs to accommodate others' fears and discomfort. Death is complicated emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Those fears - the refusal to simply accept - frustrate those natural and necessary processes. It also means loved ones miss out on beautiful lessons death, and the dying, can teach; sometimes cheating the dying out of offering these lessons for living (in itself a comfort). That teaching opportunity - its role in the dying process and value to the community - is something my friend and Hospice of North Idaho's spiritual care director, Grant MacLean, and I talk about a lot.

We're coming around again, albeit slowly. November is Hospice Awareness Month.

Hospices understand. They practice "palliative care," a medical specialty focused on the pain, symptoms, and stress of serious illness, in the case of hospices final illness. In short, hospices relieve suffering. Hospice is a service covered by Medicare and other insurance, not a place. However, earlier this year the nonprofit Hospice of North Idaho (HONI) opened the state's very first inpatient hospice facility for those who can't spend final days at home - a beautiful, warm, and very considerate setup on Prairie Avenue in Coeur d'Alene.

For-profit hospices and the nonprofit HONI offer physician-supervised palliative nursing care, in-home visits and assistance with medicines and other aids (from shower chairs and special beds to heating pads and walkers), to make the patient's and caregivers' days easier. When our family used HONI, the nurses even delivered the medicines and were on call 24/7 for all types of help. Always kind and respectful, never pushy, and often creative with solutions to ease grandma's many discomforts and our worries.

Many, including HONI, also offer spiritual and legal services such as pastoral visits and information about wills. The pamphlet on "what to expect while a loved one is dying" was very practical and helpful, describing the way the dying drift between present and past in final days. Grandma wasn't "losing her mind," but naturally reviewing her life - time becomes meaningless for a person at this phase and consciousness takes a new form.

Medicare or other insurance generally covers all or most of hospice services. In the case of HONI, the physicians are board certified in palliative care and there is no cost for any service; public fundraising and grants cover any gap, so regardless of ability to pay the full level of service is available to all

HONI's approach is broad and community based. They also provide free grief and loss programs for family and friends, including specialized programs for children. Children deal with loss differently than do adults. Next summer HONI begins a new camp for children who are grieving; communing with others who share the experience can be very healing.

In short there is no reason not to use hospice services to facilitate the death process, as much to ease the suffering of those staying as going.

"For death begins with life's first breath. And life begins at touch of death." - John Oxenham

Sholeh Patrick is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network. Email sholehjo@hotmail.com