Gold and crimson leaves fall from birch trees as the western wind blows hard and cold on my unprotected cheeks. Autumn has arrived in North Idaho. The first snow of the season accumulates on naked tree branches as I move the outdoor furniture on my deck to the garage in preparation for the hard winter to come. The prediction is grave.

A La Nina winter forecast predicts heavy snow and unsettled weather for the coming months demanding extra preparation to ensure my home is properly buttoned up for the inevitably frightful weather. Draining the garden hoses, turning off the automatic sprinklers, cleaning the gutters and mowing the lawn one last time ends my summer chores and frees up my weekends for hunting, reading, writing, playing with grandkids and watching football.

I am fortunate. I have a home, a healthy family, a career and transportation. I have food, live a comfortable life and am healthy and happy. I've not experienced trauma, helplessness, terminal illness or the unpredicted death of someone close to me. I have a lot to be thankful for.

This is the season of joy - a Thanksgiving. As I mindlessly work preparing my home for the winter to come, I think. I think of the men and women I see every morning with backpacks and sleeping bags walking out of the woods toward Fresh Start to warm their cold bodies, take a shower and eat a hot meal. I think of the children I counsel who just want a home for Christmas and I think of families struggling with major life issues. My mind races with thoughts of short sales, foreclosures, divorce and abuse, cancer, death, war and depression.

As I think I ask myself, how can a person in a dire situation remain positive; how can a person remain or regain psychological health? How can a person feel helpless when handed a minor life roadblock while another can become resilient when forced to accept a seemingly impossible life trauma? To answer this question, I am interviewing people in trauma. During my interviews I do little talking and lots of listening. I want to know, and share with you, the secret to living successfully when life becomes difficult.

"You're just in time for football," Carrie cheerfully smiles in introduction. I grin at the warm greeting as I walk into the Kralicek home and notice a man standing to my left and announce, "You must be Mike." He offers his left hand and a big smile as we sit. The Kralicek home is comfortable, warm and full of love. Pictures of their two girls, Amanda and Alexis fill the walls and entertainment center of their house reminding me that this is the home of a loving family - a family that endured great tragedy on Dec. 28, 2004.

As a Coeur d'Alene police officer, Mike was responding to assist a county deputy and was shot in the head trying to catch a fleeing suspect in handcuffs. The injuries left Mike in a coma and quadriplegic. With support from Carrie, Amanda and Alexis, Mike improves every day, walks on his own and talks freely of his life - and smiles.

The journey to wellness is not an easy one. Mike physically and figuratively lost his voice. While regaining his ability to speak, Mike's words were labored. Many would impatiently fill in the words for him inhibiting his need to speak for himself. Carrie was patient. When Mike labored, she sat quietly allowing him to work through his words until his meaning was vocalized. Often, Mike would turn toward Carrie expecting her to express his words to doctors, nurses and friends. She would stare back acknowledging his struggle while not bailing him out.

Mike had to learn to advocate for himself. As a police officer, Mike often controlled situations with his words and as a crisis negotiator; used his words to save lives. During his recovery, three health-care workers tasked with helping Mike were abusive and threatening. During one uncomfortable experience, where Mike was dropped and his neck tweaked, Mike told the abusers how they were hurting him. They threatened to increase his discomfort if he told. Advocating for his care, he requested to see photos of the workers and identified the abusers to the supervisors. Most caretakers were nurturing and caring but a few made life difficult for the Kraliceks.

Mike requires a device in his tracheotomy to speak that was removed by his caretakers when they didn't want to hear his complaints. Mike would click his tongue to get help, which was often ignored so Carrie put a sign above his head that read, "If he is clicking, put in his speaking device." Mike found his voice.

What is the secret? How can Carrie, Mike, Amanda and Alexis be strong and overcome this horrific event when others break down when yelled at by a coworker or quit college when they fail a test. How can some learn helplessness when another refuses to give up? I believe the Kraliceks have the answer.

• Forgiveness - Mike and Carrie are not angry with the man who shot Mike. The shooter, Michael Madonna was not a bad man, just a man who made many bad decisions according to Carrie. Giving up the anger is freeing. Carrie gave a gift to the family of Michael Madonna when she told them she is not angry. Realizing they lost their son, brother and friend (Michael Madonna was shot and killed during the event) took the anger away. Sorrow replaced the anger.

• Don't forget the kids - Alexis and Amanda were home alone when they were told about their father's shooting then left alone for two more hours to worry about their father's fate. They were told in the hospital that their father "is in a better place now," which devastated the girls until they learned their father was still alive. Carrie and Mike are working to ensure families are treated with respect and nurtured when a tragedy happens to a law enforcement officer. Carrie also moved the family into Mike's hospital room ensuring they all could live together as a family through this tragedy. The children remained actively involved in Mike's recovery.

• Meaningful work - Mike and Carrie travel the country as motivational speakers helping others struggling with disabilities and surviving trauma. Their work makes life meaningful and purposeful. Helping others cope with the same emotional, physical and psychological issues as they have, makes their journey to wellness meaningful. Changing public policy so others will not have to go through what they have gone through is paramount to their work. Mike says Carrie is making him become active in politics - I think he likes it though.

• Don't give up - When Mike decided to walk, he committed to his therapy 100 percent. When told they were done for the day, he asked for just a few more minutes. When people got in the way of Mike's recovery, Carrie fought and advocated for his recovery.

• Laugh - Mike and Carrie are funny people. Mike recently is struggling with passing out in inconvenient places, like restaurants. When Mike passes out Carrie slowly and gently lowers him to the ground and as he begins to regain consciousness, she whispers to him," You can quit showing off now, I think we got the free lunch."

• Once you're done taking care of everyone else, take care of yourself. Carrie is starting to give herself time. She has worked hard the past seven years taking care of her family, going to school full-time to become a nurse practitioner and realizes she deserves time for herself. She plans on taking a few hours a day for herself once her degree is complete.

The day a bullet entered Mike's body changed his family forever. Seven years ago Carrie could have given up and accepted her fate - instead she decided to fight. Mike could have given up and not worked on his therapy but he decided to fight. Mike and Carrie are fighters but with their fight they take time to educate, nurture, work and laugh, and boy do they laugh!

One last story. In the hospital room with Mike, Carrie is looking out the window deep in thought when a nurse walks up to Carrie and quietly comforts, "Some days, don't you feel like you've been shot in the head?" She wryly responds, pointing at her husband, "No, but he does."

Bill Rutherford is a psychotherapist, public speaker, elementary school counselor, adjunct college psychology instructor and executive chef, and owner of Rutherford Education Group. Please email him at [email protected].