That little purple awareness ribbon represents $37 billion.

That's what interpersonal violence (domestic abuse and sexual assault/rape, often related) costs the U.S. annually, according to a 2007 study by the University of Georgia. Less than a third is medical cost; the rest is lost productivity and other effects on the workplace, schools, and society. That's a hefty bill for an underemphasized problem. Domestic violence rates have not fallen with other violent crimes in recent years; about one quarter of all murders in Idaho are by a family member. A 2006 study in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine found 44 percent of all women are impacted by domestic violence at some point in their lives. It also found a higher than expected prevalence for women with higher incomes and education levels; this crime knows no boundaries.

The effects of domestic violence last longer than bruises and broken bones. Emotional scarring of both physical and mental abuse (many victims say the mental is worse) lasts lifetimes, impacting future generations. Broken trust, trauma, and insecurities lead to problems in other relationships, including families, friends, and coworkers. Not to mention the economic impacts of poor job performance while coping with it all. Coping with it is daunting, especially without help. Fear and perceived shame prevent reporting; only about a quarter of domestic violence cases are reported. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, about 20 percent of at least 1.5 million people who experience intimate partner violence each year get civil protection orders. Why not more? Approximately half of protection orders based on intimate partner attacks, and more than two-thirds against those who raped or stalked the victim, are violated.

The nature of these crimes often results in a silent victim, emotionally handicapped, embarrassed and thus unlikely to report. Facing threats, fears of retaliation, broken trust, and the poor self-image that comes with abuse all make it hard for victims to talk. So it's vital that the rest of us stop saying "it's none of my business." Violence is everybody's business. Report it, and extend a hand by referring victims to local help centers listed below. On Oct. 14 between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m. you can help by buying a $7 lunch (or boxed lunches for the office) at Texas Roadhouse, which is kindly donating proceeds to the North Idaho Violence Prevention Center (formerly Women's Center). Buy $40 advance tickets and on Oct. 29 you can attend NIVPC's lunchtime fashion show - fun for a cause.

Prevention depends on awareness. Know the non-physical signs: emotional and verbal abuse (humiliation, put-downs, name-calling, manipulation); threats (physical -including harm to self- and non-physical, intimidating behavior, perhaps involving the children), and isolation. All abuse - sexual, physical, and emotional - is about control. Abusers typically want to make all the decisions, limit victim access to money and people, and blame abuse on others ("look what you made me do!"). Isolation from friends and family is common and makes escape more difficult.

Know the future. Think of the children; those exposed are at high risk to continue the cycle when they grow up. They take the effects (e.g., poor concentration or mimicking behavior, such as bullying) to schools, playgrounds, and eventually hospitals. Aside from immediate injuries chronic abuse affects physical and mental development, leading to long-term health problems. This is everybody's problem and within everyone's reach, whether directly or indirectly.

Know the victims and perpetrators. One in three females is sexually assaulted; women are six times more likely than men to be violently attacked by a partner or relative. NCADV statistics show a third of female murder victims were killed by husbands/boyfriends, but only three percent of murdered men were killed by girlfriends/wives. Forty-five percent of attacks against females 12 and older were by someone they know. Statistics can't rule out gender; one in six males has been sexually abused. Freedom from abuse is a basic civil right.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. For information and counseling call (208) 664-9303 (NIVPC, www.cdawomenscenter.org). Crisis hotlines are Kootenai (208) 664-1443. In Post Falls call OASIS (208) 773-1080; Benewah (208) 245-1542; Boundary (208) 267-5211; Bonner (208) 265-3586; and Shoshone (208) 556-0500.

Sholeh Patrick is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network. Email sholehjo@hotmail.com