COEUR d'ALENE - Stephen Shortridge has no doubts about God.

He knows he's there, that he's in control, that he loves him.

It's just that he's not quite sure about faith, life and what it all means sometimes.

"I may not doubt God, but I may doubt my understandings about God," he says.

The Coeur d'Alene artist believes many people who attend church, who express their belief in God, who read the Bible religiously, still have doubts. They just don't want others to know it.

Shortridge wants to make his doubts - and his confidence in God - perfectly clear to everyone.

The owner of Painter's Gallery in downtown Coeur d'Alene is turning his talents toward writing with "Deepest Thanks, Deeper Apologies: Reconciling Deeply Held Faith with Honest Doubt," published by Worthy Publishers.

He ventures, in ways, into sacred grounds.

"I go ahead and address things that are kind of skeptical. I'm OK with that. I think God is big enough. He can handle my doubt," he says, while sitting relaxed in his Sherman Avenue gallery. "He can handle my confusion. He can love me through it."

If you've been confused with your faith, you're not alone, he writes.

"Throughout the book, Shortridge calls on Christians to embrace mystery and honestly express their doubts to develop a deeper, richer faith," according to a press release. "Not everything in our faith should be easily explained and understood. Instead Christians should acknowledge the mysteries that surround us with a childlike awe."

Instead of viewing his doubt as a spiritual weakness, Shortridge views his search for answers as true faith.

"Deepest Thanks, Deeper Apologies is the difference between who I am and who I am becoming, as well as who I'm not and possibly never will be," says Shortridge.

Shortridge's prayer for his own faith and the faith of others is to gain wisdom and to love, believe and trust in the wonderment of God's mysteries.

"Doubts aren't the enemy of God," says Shortridge. "God will prove his faithfulness. You will come out stronger for honestly sharing with God; even your doubt."

Church goers tend to go through the motions, he says, and pretend all is well when it's not. They don't share their fears well. When life is lousy, Christians tend to hide it, Shortridge said.

They shouldn't.

"People watch people who have faith and say, that's not very real. There's no reality," he says.

It's one of the reasons some shy away from organized faith.

Uncertainty should be expected when it comes to God and faith, he said, because God created spiritual mysteries when he used "loose and broken brushwork" to form the world.

According to Shortridge, as God creates, "a great deal of information is missing, creating mystery that required deep faith to believe and deeper trust to obey."

Believing

Shortridge was raised Methodist and was agnostic by 17.

"I blamed God for just about everything that I thought was wrong, including religion," he said. "It took quite a while to come back around."

During the '70s and '80s, Shortridge built an enviable career appearing in such well-known television series as "Welcome Back Kotter" and "The Love Boat."

He co-starred with Debbie Reynolds on the ABC show "Aloha Paradise." He spent the year of 1987 playing the role of David Reed as part of the original cast on the CBS daytime soap opera "The Bold and the Beautiful."

The All-American water polo player at Idaho State University also worked regularly as a model and appeared in more than 50 TV commercials.

Stephen enjoyed acting but found painting much more creatively satisfying.

"In acting a large part of the creative process had taken place by the time I was involved. In contrast, painting gives me complete control from start to finish which is good and bad. Good when the work is good... bad, when there is no one else to blame for bad but me."

His Christian faith, in some ways, comes through in his paintings, many on display in his gallery.

"They do reflect the beauty of God and his creation," he said.

Despite his international success with his art and national acting career, Shortridge said his has been a life filled with grace, mercy - and failures.

"I think that's a real part of life. Most of the time we don't want to share those things. I don't share a lot. This isn't a tell all book or a big confession book."

And it isn't a theological book, either.

The 59-year-old states it as plainly as he can. He believes in God. He believes the Bible is true and accurate.

"This is an artist's experience of faith, more than a theologians explanation of God," he said.

"A lot of times I think theology tries to explain things that are not explainable," he added.

Shortridge said God has a plan for the world, for everyone on it. He's just not sure what it is.

"I'll believe that, but don't ask me to explain it," he said.

"We all believe in something. I think the whole world is longing for spiritual connection because I believe that's the way we're designed. People try to fill it with all kinds of different things. I believe in a Christian faith. I'm stuck with that," he says, smiling.

He believes people have free will, and they live with the choices they made.

"There are times I've chosen God, and times I haven't. I face the consequence when I don't. When I travel with God, I see things better. When I travel away from him, I don't see a lot."

But this he knows for sure:

"He's always been true, even when I haven't."

Give God a chance

Shortridge wants to know God better.

"My longing for him is the evidence that he's with me. But the longing kind of increases. It doesn't get less. That's the funny part.

"Every time I follow God deeper and deeper, I find there's more mystery, not less. It's in that mystery that I actually find God. We keep wanting to run away from that. The more you have of God, the more you want."

Shortridge, who attends New Life Community Church, said he knows a lot of people have been hurt by religion. He also hopes those people "give God a second look."

"I think God's maligned a lot, even by people who have faith," he said.

Life, he said, delivers jolting moments, good and bad. Get used to them. Don't always expect to have complete understanding and complete acceptance.

"If we were more honest we might encourage each other better and we could pray for each other," he said. "If admitted we sinned then we could be forgiving, too."

But that's not something people do well.

"We become proud before we become humble," he says. "It's really a humbling thing to actually need God. It's really a humbling thing to say I don't know."

His hope is this: He wants people to take time to consider God. Who, what, why.

That's not asking too much, he says.

"It looks so obvious to me, when I see the world in such a mess, he seems obvious to me. But that's my life," he says.

His final message, really, summed up in a few, succinct words, is this:

"God wants to love you. I pray you let him."

Book information

The 176-page "Deepest Thanks, Deeper Apologies" by Stephen Shortridge is available for $18.99 at Painter's Chair on Sherman Avenue.