We, the people of the newsroom, feel under appreciated.

It's not so much the scornful letters, the phone calls, or the online comments about our coverage that hurts our feelings, it's that nobody in the community awards us.

Everybody gets awards, it seems, except us.

Sure, there are so many awards, from so many organizations, that I have actually to use the word "award" loosely. Some of them come across as a little fishy, and by fishy, I mean they were probably made up on the spot.

At first I waved it off.

"No big deal," I said. "I'm not jealous."

I told myself it was like counting your Little League stats as athletic accomplishments, but then it started to eat at me, and I remembered always admiring my Little League trophies, how those beauties sparkled on my boyhood bookshelf.

"Heck," I said. "I even drove in 10 runs in one game, that counts for something!"

So I want my awards. I deserve my awards. And since they're long overdue, I'm stretching them back to include the last few years. Also, we're going to throw in a few more community ones, too. Is this column a gimmick? Absolutely. But enough intro. Ladies and gentlemen, it's the inaugural Coeur d'Alene Press Newsroom Awards!

• Best error: To me, for writing foul for fowl, its for it's, pubic for public (twice in one month,) stalk for stock...Oh god, let's just move on before I get depressed. It's my award show and I don't want to get depressed.

• Best Follow up Question in an Interview: To me, for asking the winner of a new $200,000 home during the North Idaho College's Really Big Raffle what the property taxes will be. She just stared at me.

• Worst Follow up Question in an Interview: To me, for the same one. That's two awards in one, thank you. Keep 'em coming.

• Model of Professionalism Award: To me, for interviewing a full grown adult who let it slip mid interview that she still believed the tale about George Washington chopping down a cherry tree when he was a boy, then confessing to his father because he understood the virtue of honesty. It was stunning, like meeting an elected official who still believes in Santa Claus but, like a pro, I continued scribbling notes as though I was not surprised or confused. I better start spreading the hardware around though, before I run the table.

• Best Missed Assignment Award: To photographer Shawn Gust for missing the journey to the North Pole light cruise boat a couple of winters back, even though it was a pre-arranged cruise set up specifically for The Press and media to cover. So, if you're scoring at home, Hagadone Corp., our parent company, set up the cruise specifically for us, yet left without our photographer, who somehow couldn't get to the dock in time. Treeeeemendous teamwork!

• Best Save: To reporter Maureen Dolan, who wrote about the Governor's Ball a few years ago, and realized right before the article went out that she had inadvertently added an "s" to the word ball several times. There was only one Governor's Ball being covered. Let's move on before everyone's mind is stuck in the gutter.

• Best Parade Coverage: Just kidding, even my awards have limits.

• In Your Face Award: To City Editor Bill Buley, who forwards all the emails he receives complimenting one of his stories to me with notes added to them like, "More fan mail, Hasslinger." Let's move on before I get fired.

• Worst Quote Award: Any form or variation of "It's important to give back to the community." Can we spruce this up please? If you donate to a noble cause, what's wrong with saying you did so because it was tax deductible? Or that you love the publicity? Or, "I wanted to feel less guilty because of God's 10 commandments, I break three of them pretty routinely."

• The Hypocrisy Award: To all the North Idahoans who absolutely worship the country that created the American Dream, yet resent Californians because they achieve it then retire here to enjoy it. Let's move on before I get shot.

• Excellence in Journalism Award: To me, for pointing out that glaring hypocrisy. I suppose now's not the best time to mention Californians are really, really good looking, too. OK, let's move on before I get shot, tarred and feathered, and shot again.

• Keep it Cool Award: To reporter David Cole, for keeping his head from exploding after reading one convoluted, indecipherable government press release after another dealing with matters of public interest that have zero public interest. I mean, have you ever read those things?

• Hardest Worker Award: To reporter Alecia Warren. I have to have one serious award in here, and she kicks out four byline stories in a day. Bill Buley has kicked out five in one day, but I refuse to award him because he'll forward me an email about it.

• Best Column Gimmick: To me, for pulling out this atrocity, and on the heels of a column comparing Tea Party meetings to softball leagues. That reminds me, I'm awarding that column too. I'll think of a name for it later.

Let's see, that's seven hard-earned, well-deserved, awards for me. It feels outstanding. I miss my trophies, my little statues of greatness. For those wondering, my best Little League team went 20-1 one year, and won the championship. I remember we all dog piled on the pitcher's mound after it was over, but I also remember how unhappy I was because, usually the power-hitting beast, I went 0-4 that day, so I knew I had no chance of being the game's MVP. Team awards are OK, but it's the personal recognition that counts.

Tom Hasslinger is the city reporter at the Coeur d'Alene Press. He can be reached at thasslinger@cdapress.com or 664-8176 ext. 2010.