What is wrong with the name momma and poppa gave you? For some, it's everything. It might be changed for political or religious reasons, or for those in the entertainment world, just because it sounds cooler or sexier.

The sports world is thick with athletes who have altered their labels. Los Angeles Lakers forward Ron Artest recently changed his name to Metta World Peace. I understand the "Metta" part has to do with benevolence and friendliness in some Buddhist religion. Um, OK - guess he could use some of either.

Artest followed the example set by former NBA player Lloyd Free, who in 1981 legally altered his handle to World B. Free, which was pretty self-explanatory. Last I checked, the world still ain't free...

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An example of a too-simplistic name change would belong to the former Chad Johnson, an NFL receiver. Now known as Chad Ochocinco, his last name is literally the "85" that appears on his jersey. But at least he has separated himself from all the Johnsons out there...

I agree with a multitude of name changes. Would we really have gone so gonzo for '70s soccer star Pele if he stuck with Edson Arantes Do Mascimento? Legendary baseball player/manager/owner Connie Mack was Cornelius McGillicuddy, Muhammed Ali was once Cassius Marcellus Clay Jr., and Lakers great Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was Ferdinand Lewis Alcindor Jr.

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In the entertainment world, you normally have to create a buzz to get any work, regardless of what your headshot looks like.

Would we all have created such a "Friends" frenzy if Jennifer Aniston had stuck with Jennifer Anastassakis?

Former M*A*S*H surgeon and cutup Alan Alda once went by Alphonso d'Abruzzo. Neurotic comedian and filmmaker Woody Alley is the former Allan Stewart Konigsberg. Lovable blonde Goldie Hawn was once Goldie Jean Studlendegehawn.

Rita Hayworth sounds much sexier than Margarita Carmen Dolores Cansino, and fellow bombshell Marilyn Monroe was the former Norma Jean Mortensen Baker.

Audrey Hepburn just rolls off the tongue better than Edda Van Heemstra Hepburn-Rusten.

Actor Ben Kingsley might not get the cushy parts if he had stuck with Krishna Bhanji.

The future Six Million Dollar Man (Lee Majors) once went by Harvey Lee Yeary. Sure, that name will make Farrah Fawcett want to marry you...

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Former Brat Packer Demi Moore was born Demetria Gene Guynes, and television and silver screen star Roy Rogers was Leonard Franklin Slye.

Would the girls really go wild for Charlie Sheen if he stayed with Carlos Irwin Estevez? I guess we'll never know.

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Plenty of musicians and singers took legal means to boost their careers. "Major Tom" crooner David Bowie was David Robert Hayward-Jones, U-2 golden throat Bono was Paul David Hewson. "Slowhand" Eric Clapton was Eric Patrick Clapp, Elvis Costello jettisoned Declan Patrick McManus, and legendary voice and wordsmith Bob Dylan did away with Robert Allen Zimmerman.

Engelbert Humperdink said good riddance to Arnold George Dorsey, master of costumes and piano Elton John was Reginald Kenneth Dwight, and former Queen frontman Freddy Mercury was Farookh Bulsara.

Sting of The Police went through early life as Gordon Matthew Sumner, and Stevie Wonder sounds a ton more soulful than Steveland Judkins.

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So what have we learned? Mainly, that if you're in the public eye, your name has to match that stunning face, those shapely legs, the golden arm or the musical creativity.

I've never contemplated changing my given name. Frankly, I don't have the goods to worry about stepping onto a red carpet or a big league field or sporting court, so what's the point? Now if my given name was Hookfish Hawding-a-wing-der-bing, maybe I'd reconsider...

... then again maybe not. It's catchy...

Jerry Hitchcock (yes, he's sticking with that for now) is a copy editor for The Press. He can be reached at 664-8176, Ext. 2017, or via email at [email protected].