Professional baseball players should stay far away from "The Expendables 2," a bombastic action movie sure to cause a suspicious spike in testosterone levels.

This celebration of '80s action movies is a definite mark up from the laziness in the original "Expendables." Sylvester Stallone hands the director's chair over to Simon West ("Con Air," "The Mechanic") but remains the grumbling, wisecracking star alongside Jason Statham. They get the most screen time and the good action, but there's also room for returnees Jet Li, Terry Crews, Randy Couture and (best of all) madman Dolph Lundgren.

Honestly, though, the main attraction is seeing Stallone work alongside Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger, both of whom get beefier roles this time around.

For a few fleeting moments near the end, "Expendables 2" delivers the goods - as all three mow down an army of baddies with really big guns. Sadly, it's one of the few moments the movie utilizes its former mega-stars.

As for the plot, why bother?

Stallone's mercenary crew hunts down a nuclear weapon-toting bad guy named "Vilain" (really). He's played by Jean-Claude Van Damme, who proves to be the movie's MVP. He gets to recite lengthy dialogue in his Belgium accent (still entertaining after 20 years) and makes room for some of his signature kicks.

The other notable addition is Chuck Norris, appearing for a total of maybe five minutes. It's a pointless cameo, and sorry America, Norris has never held a candle to REAL action stars like Van Damme and Stallone.

With all the testosterone and obvious affection for the action movies that made these guys famous, this "Expendables" still doesn't know how to recreate the fun of those original movies. The dialogue is bad but not in a particularly entertaining way, and the movie grinds whenever explosions don't fill the screen.

More Willis and Schwarzenegger are nice, but they don't have much to do besides recite variations of lines from their previous movies. Schwarzenegger, for example, does at least three variations on "I'll be back" and it's groan-inducing every time.

Nevertheless, can you really review a movie like this?

It delivers exactly as advertised. Big guns, big old stars and some cool Van Damme fight scenes. Shame on me, I guess, for wanting more.

Grade: B-

Ticket Stubs is sponsored by the Hayden Cinema Six Theater. Showtimes at www.HaydenCinema6.com. Tyler Wilson can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.