A friend of mine died on Thanksgiving and his wife, along with thousands of other widows, will be spending Christmas without the love of her life.

A woman I was talking to yesterday told me that her daughter and son-in-law had just announced they were getting a divorce and her 7-year-old granddaughter said that all she wanted for Christmas was her daddy back.

Then I heard about a friend who’s losing his job after the first of the year and another whose in-law family of 10 decided at the last minute to come to Sandpoint for the week.

Are all a cause for stress? Sure.

The commercials show us the perfect family, with perfectly decorated houses buying the perfect gifts, eating the perfect food combined with the perfect drink.

The news tells us the horrific story of mass murders in minute detail.

The front page of today’s newspaper says that there are only six shopping days left so with last-minute errands and cooking and coordinating activities and eating and running around and snow on the ground and a really short amount of daylight it’s not surprising that some of us will suffer from anxiety and depression.

But, how do we cope? It’s a bit of a mystery, but most of us do. We grapple with the next two weeks and then just get over it. For others it’s a matter of seeking help to get through the struggle. A call to your healthcare provider is in order if you feel you can’t shake the blues. And please, please go to the emergency department if you have thoughts of suicide.

The experts at WebMD suggest keeping expectations modest. Don’t get hung up on an ideal greeting card-esque holiday. Take things as they come and laugh at your mistakes. Change those age-old traditions. Remember no one likes fruit cake, besides me, so don’t feel you need to make one. Maybe your whole family is ready for a new yule this year.

Lean on your support system. Tell your closest friends and family if you feel you can’t cope. Let them take a little burden off of you or just help by listening to your anxieties. Believe me, they’ll be the first to tell you to “get a life” if they think you need that advice!

Don’t assume the worst is going to happen. If you’re careful you won’t slice your finger off while carving the ham and if everyone is careful on the road, there won’t be a car in the ditch. Here’s an idea, assume you’re going to have fun.

Forget the unimportant stuff. What does it really matter if you forgot to buy batteries? You can do that on Dec. 26. Who cares if you forgot to take out the Christmas gravy boat that your rich great aunt gave your grandmother in 1953? No one.

And finally, take time to do something for people who have less than you. Call hospice, the food bank or your church and ask what you can do. Sometimes giving to others is the best gift we can give to ourselves. Happy holidays, everyone!

Kathy Hubbard is a trustee on the Bonner General Hospital Foundation Board. She can be reached at [email protected] and 264-4029.