Wrapping shredded on the floor? Tummy fussy after the assault of sweets with morning coffee? Choice of critter basted and in the oven? Speaking of critters, they don't get their due credit today. Far more than farm animals at a manger scene, animals have a strong connection to Christmas. Ten things you never knew you never knew about Christmas:

1. Real men don't pull sleighs, i.e. Santa's reindeer are girls. Reindeer shed their antlers by this time of year, so Comet and "his" pals have to be chicks. Or cross-dressers. 2. Speaking of chicks, in Bolivia they hold Misa del Gallo, or rooster's mass, including living cock-a-doodlers in the pews. A rooster they say was the first to announce Jesus' arrival. Guess he mistook a star for its massive dawn cousin.

3. Got spiders? The Polish decorate trees with spider webs; their stories tell of a spider who wove for baby Jesus a blanket. Lucky Polish spiders are quite safe at Christmas. 4. Speaking of ick, don't look up while under the mistletoe. The plant's less-than-charming original Anglo-Saxon name of "mistletan" means "dung twig." Yup; infamous for bird dropping decor. The Druids noted its fertile ways while other fruit-bearing plants dried up in winter, so they ascribed to it magical qualities. Just one of Christmas's many pagan traditions as old as the Romans' Saturnalia.

5. Christmas plucks. Germans made the first artificial Christmas tree out of ... (drum roll please) Goose feathers. 6. What a honker. One scientific theory for Rudolph's red nose is a parasitic infection. Poor guy; sick and still pulling an all-nighter.

7. Why Christmas red robins? It was a joke, typical British dry humor. According to U.K. newspapers, robins on Christmas cards originated two centuries ago, poking fun at seasonal postal carriers who wore red tunics and thus earned the nickname, "redbreasts." 8. Eight reindeer? Why not six? The Viking god Odin, considered the precursor to modern Santa Claus with his punishment (naughty) and gift (nice) list, rode a flying horse with eight legs. Guess eight reindeer seemed less creepy than an equine octoped. On the other hand, the eight legs go well with the Polish spider theme.

9. Christmas elves aren't exactly animals; let's say "nonhuman." The elven association evolved from centuries ago, when Europeans believed spirits good and evil were powerful and active during the 12 days of Christmas. So we banished them to the North Pole where they're less intimidating to imagine. 10. And speaking of elves, Santa is number one on the naughty list. St. Nikolas of Myra was born in fourth century Turkey; is the world's most popular (and most painted, after St. Mary), non-Biblical saint; and is the patron saint of pawnbroking, butchery, thievery, sailing, royalty, and - don't get this one - orphans.

Now, how about celebrating Christmas in September? No, I'm not referring to the maddening habit of retailers who keep pushing Christmas sales up so early we'll see red stockings on Labor Day. Jesus' birth, once celebrated the first week of January as closer to perceived historical accuracy, is now believed by some theologians to have occurred in September, and a few years earlier at that. Too hard to keep up. Is dinner ready?

Sholeh Patrick is a considered omnist (believe everything; it's safer) and columnist for the Hagadone News Network. Contact her after Christmas at sholehjo@hotmail.com. Happy Merry.