Fist fight with a griz
George Ostrom | Hagadone News Network | UPDATED 12 years, 7 months AGO
Glacier Park grizzlies are out and about, but there is most concern about the big bears down in the Yellowstone area, which had two fatal maulings last summer.
Federal Fish and Wildlife expert Chris Servheen, leader of all grizzly bear management in this country, was making public statements about tightened biologist methods while urging hikers to get official avoidance information and carry handy pepper spray on the back country trails.
I was pleased when both state and federal officials finally felt safe in recommending bear spray; however, that stuff is a fairly new weapon. Every few years, I rerun a true pre-spray story which I still find unbelievable, scary and slightly humorous:
———
On July 26, 1984, a tourist fella up in Glacier Park did a very daring thing and had thereby disrupted hundreds and maybe thousands of happy marriages.
A California visitor, Barry Gamble, was hiking the trail to Iceberg Lake with his girl friend, Peggy Denial, when a grizzly charged them and started “clawing” Ms. Denial. For reasons even he will probably never understand, Mr. Gamble leaped on the bear and started socking it in the head with his fists; and for reasons I’ll never understand, the bear did not eat him right on the spot. The confused and possibly amazed griz backed off, then came back for one final swat at Ms. Denial before heading into the brush.
This story was immediately featured in national media, and I hope at least some of you husbands lucked out better that I did in talking over the news event with your wife.
Our breakfast conversation started on a fairly innocent note with Iris saying, “My! That man certainly was brave, wasn’t he George?”
“Pretty dumb trick if you ask me,” I mumbled through my bacon.
“What do you mean DUMB? That man risked his life for that woman … and they aren’t even married.”
“Yeah! Dumber than I first thought.”
The discussion took a nasty turn here. Iris lowered her voice, narrowed her eyes, and in a low menacing tone asked, “If a grizzly bear was clawing and chewing on me, would you run up and hit it in the head with your fists?”
“Of course not Iris! You know how much trouble I’ve been having with my elbow, and how it’s affecting my golf scores.”
“G. George Ostrom! We are not talking here about wrists and golf … we are talking about unmeasurable, instinctive, and unquestioning LOVE.”
“Oh! I thought we were just kiddin’ around some Californian who thought he could win a fist fight with a grizzly bear.”
In spite of dazzling verbal parries and preponderance of logical testimony … I lost the argument. If Iris is ever attacked by anything from a gopher to a whole herd of grizzlies, I am completely committed to instant bare knuckle combat.
I am only consoled by the hopeful scenario of Barry Gamble soon being married to Peggy Denial in their home town of Cotati, Calif., and then him having to live out his remaining years toting a guilty burden for all the trouble he caused by a moment of madness … to innocent husbands like me.
G. George Ostrom is a national award-winning Hungry Horse News columnist. He lives in Kalispell.
ARTICLES BY GEORGE OSTROM
'No knees' nonsense
Should lady pugilists at the coming 2012 Olympics in London be forced to wear skirts instead of boxing shorts? That subject was raising hackles among female athletes from 21 countries during warm-up bouts in England during the last week of November.
The Dog In the Sky
What if you got hit on the head by a dog from the clouds? After the unbelievable thing that happened near Bozeman, we know such a thing could happen.
Stetson helmets and love in the wilderness
Woke up in the middle of the night last week and realized I had made a mistake in telling you good folks the Cox Christmas was the first involving white men in Montana. It upset me so much I had trouble getting back to sleep. When I'm shooting the bull, the truth may suffer, but in relating a bit of history I prefer accuracy. Let it be hereby noted that David Thompson did spend Christmas at Thompson Falls a few years before the Cox adventure. I even have one of the rare copies of Thompson's journals so there is no excuse for the mistake except that I may be approaching "the changes of life." O.K.?