I've come to the conclusion that there is one universal way to tell when you're old.

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No matter what music you're listening to, there's too much bass in it.

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And I can tell you with certainty that I've reached that age.

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I remember as a boy, my grandfather's favorite expression was, "Boomba, boomba, boomba!" when whatever music he was hearing had a high level of bass, at least according to his ear.

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In my teenage years, I was just like most everyone that age, listening to music with a good, healthy mix of bass, keeping the foundation grooving away. In cars, locker rooms, during lunch hour, and eventually dorm rooms, the treble and bass had a positive correlation.

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And like Nigel Tufnel's guitar amplifier in "This is Spinal Tap," my volume knob went to 11.

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I still listen to all types of music, and those types of music require different levels of bass mixed in to make them sound the way they should.

In the movie "Risky Business," Joel Goodsen (played by Tom Cruise) rocks out with no pants and sings into a candlestick, forgetting to readjust the equalizer on his father's stereo. A stern talking to ensues, and the message is that us old folks don't mix well with heavy bass mixes.

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The last decade (maybe more - hey, I'm old) has brought enormous, powerful bass speakers to car audio. Now whips can roll down the street with the windows up, and the bass vibration created can be felt inside buildings a block away. I always wonder what that is doing to the car's infrastructure. You'd think bolts would be loosening with every song...

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Lately I find myself adjusting the bass on my vehicle's stereo more often than I change the station or CD. I am especially sensitive in the mornings.

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If I'm becoming my grandpa, so be it. He was always a terrific guy.

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Fortunately for him, he didn't live long enough to witness cars vibrating buildings.

Jerry Hitchcock is a copy editor for The Press. He can be reached at 664-8176, Ext. 2017, or via email at jhitchcock@cdapress.com.