The human mind can do some funny things. And when I say funny, I mean frightening and bizarre.

I'm sure everyone has wacky dreams, but when I come up with a brain flummox here and there while I'm awake, I really start to worry.

Case in point: The other day I came across an article about Pearl Bailey, and somehow in my mind I started thinking about the Hee Haw and Grand Ole Opry star, instead of the Broadway, Tony award-winning singer.

My mind did a quick rewind, and I connected Minnie Pearl as the price-tag, hat-wearing comedienne that couldn't carry a tune in a peach basket.

Not that I'd confuse either of them for Thurl Bailey, the North Carolina State and Utah Jazz standout basketball player.

Another mix-up I've been guilty of in the past is actor Roddy McDowell and former New York Mets hurler Roger McDowell. Roger avoided being the goat by winning Game 7 of the 1986 World Series, while Roddy's most famous role was that of ape Cornelius in "Planet of the Apes."

It's real easy for folks to have a hard time separating "Transformers" actress Megan Fox from "Independence Day" actress Vivica A. Fox. Megan currently dances with husband Brian Austin Green (Beverly Hills 90210), while Vivica was a contestant on the third season of "Dancing With the Stars."

No one should ever get writer/director/actress Lena Durham confused with former Cubs first baseman Leon Durham. Lena has been accused of being butch, but Leon will always be the "Bull."

I'd be about certain I'd never get "Backdraft" actor Kurt Russell mixed up with "Tight rope" crooner Leon Russell.

It's hard to imagine anyone would confuse either with comedian and game-show regular Nipsy Russell.

And then there are many who I probably will never confuse, but I'll list some here just in case you do:

Don't confuse "Desperate Housewives" actress Eva Longoria and Tampa Bay Rays third baseman Evan Longoria. Hint: Evan's the poorer one, with a $4.5 million contract. Oh, and Eva's a foot shorter.

Don't mix up "Gladiator" actor Russell Crowe and film director Cameron Crowe. Hint: Russell will be the one with the sword, while former Rolling Stone writer Cameron once wielded a deadly pen.

Don't confuse "Beetlejuice" director Tim Burton and Las Vegas magician Lance Burton, even though Tim was able to make Michael Keaton's character appear out of thin air multiple times.

Don't mix up actress/singer Cher and "Smooth operator" singer Sade. Hint: Cher's hair usually stretches to the heavens, while Sade's was always pulled tight in a bun.

Don't confuse Entertainment Tonight host Mary Hart and Colorado senator Gary Hart.

Mary's manager once insured her legs for $1 million. Gary apparently invested a lot in shapely legs as well, since his affair with Donna Rice punted him out of the 1988 presidential campaign.

Finally, don't mix up crooner Bing Crosby and comedian Bill Cosby. Hint: Cosby was tanner and liked Jell-O pudding, while Crosby liked clambakes and golf tournaments.

Jerry Hitchcock, a copy editor for The Press, should not be confused with director Alfred Hitchcock (no relation). Jerry can be reached at 664-8176, Ext. 2017, or via email at [email protected].