You ever read an article in which the headline provides a much simpler message than the actual story?

I came across something recently that appeared like a whodunnit, but turned out to be physics mumbo-jumbo extraordinaire.

The headline:

Telescope to hunt for missing 96 percent of the universe

OK, so I'm thinking that some enterprising aliens have built some enormous spaceship and attached it to the best real estate and hauled it away, selling it at a profit in the next universe over.

"Hey, buddy - wanna buy a planet? Barely used!"

But no, I was denied the chance to further this theory when I read that physicists and astronomers are out to sleuth the secrets of dark matter and dark energy in the universe.

Yep - that's what I said, too. Heavy stuff. But the more I read the Michael D. Lemonick article from Science.time.com, I came to understand it.

Sort of.

You see, unlike here on Earth, things aren't always what they seem in space. You'll have to take my word on this, unless you and Richard Branson are heading onward and upward in a moonshot this weekend.

So anyway, The European Space Agency (ESA) and NASA are conspiring to better understand and differentiate between matter and energy in the shadows of space.

Prior to the article, my definition of dark matter was the not-so-white meat on the tray of carved turkey on Thanksgiving Day. And as far as dark energy, well, for sure that was Darth Vader.

But all kidding aside, the Cliff's Notes version of dark (or utterly invisible) matter, provided in Lemonick's article, says that "some galaxies seemed to be orbiting each other so fast that they should be slowly separating - each galaxy remaining discreet and intact, but the distances among then opening wider and wider."

More recently astronomers have accepted that "gravity from some mysterious, invisible form of matter had to be holding them all together."

So as of now, scientists think that the matter is made up of "clouds of subatomic particles surrounding galaxies." Studying the shapes and sizes of these clouds might offer clues to their properties.

As far as dark energy, another unknown force, somehow makes "the universe expand faster and faster all the time."

The article likens dark energy to a type of antigravity, although its properties also remain a mystery.

Scientists hope to use distance measurements to help them understand what this energy is all about.

"Using measurements of the primordial light left over from the Big Bang, theorists can predict how those distances should change as the universe evolves, both with and without dark energy in its various possible forms. By comparing the theories with what Euclid actually sees, they'll be able to get a handle on which theory matches what's happening in the cosmos."

So, I know what you're thinking. What's this all got to do with me? Probably not a whole lot, unless you're contemplating some heavy space travel in the future.

But we're all in this universe together. And, like Dorothy, we're not in Kansas anymore. The progression of technology allows us to unearth secrets on and off this Earth.

And for those of you I lost along the way, here's what we're really talking about:

Scientists are now close to finding out how Darth Vader is able to steal all the Thanksgiving turkey.

You can attempt to reach Jerry Hitchcock at 664-8176, Ext. 2017, or via email at [email protected].