My dad is dead. Grieving, celebrating his life, supporting mom and evaluating my own existence has consumed my life for the past nine months but today marks an end to living in the past. Today I look to the future. Today I am able to dismiss the stress and grieving of my dad's death by welcoming my mom into my home.

Moving my mom from her home in northern California to North Idaho is cathartic. By making this move I am able to comfort and support my mom ensuring she is safe; physically and emotionally. When mom is tired, I am there to help her to bed. When mom is sad, I am there to make her laugh. When she wants to talk I look into her blue eyes, understanding the true meaning of the conversation. Having my mother in my home allows me to know she is OK.

Moving a parent into one's home is a difficult decision. How will my wife respond to mom living with me? Will moving mom into my home strain my marriage? Will mom and I argue? Will I treat my mom as a child in my home? Will I revert back to my childish ways with my mother living with me? Will my mom have enough autonomy to feel secure in my home? These questions must all be addressed prior to making the decision on moving one's parent into one's home.

Twenty years ago my wife and I talked with my parents about growing old and where my mom and dad might live when they are no longer able to take care of each other. During this conversation we made it clear to my parents that our home will never be their home. We talked about needing our privacy, about needing freedom and not wanting to "take care" of anyone. Looking back, this conversation was short-sighted and mean.

Today I realize the need to ensure my mother has the security of a nice home surrounded by family members she can trust. I realize the need to glean from mom our family history - where I came from, who created the me I've become, our family history. This desire for security for mom and my desire for knowledge of the past is selfish. I need to have mom close. I need to understand my past. I need to know mom is OK.

Moving a parent into one's home is not for everyone. Psychologically, multi-generational cohabitation can create great strife on a family and be damaging to a marriage. Parental relationships that are unhealthy in childhood are often unhealthy in adulthood. Moving an abusive parent into one's home is seldom successful and often hurtful. The decision must be weighed carefully and thoughtfully and everyone in the household must have a voice in the decision.

This evening my back aches and my muscles are sore. Moving a person's life 1,000 miles can cause aches but tonight the pain is physical. Psychologically, my pain is gone. I no longer stress wondering if mom is feeling OK. I have the psychological comfort knowing mom is in my home, sleeping comfortably in her own bed. For my family, moving my mother into our home is the right choice and tonight, I will sleep comfortably too.

If you wish to comment or offer suggestions, please email me at bprutherford@hotmail.com.