Since I have some English heritage living inside me, I feel qualified to discuss the royal family.

You know - that handsome, debonair bunch that lives at Windsor Castle. And that's just the staff ...

I won't get into the long line of Kings that stretched back hundreds of years. After all - this is no history lesson.

No, I'm talking about the current set of cutups. Queen Elizabeth II, born in 1926, still has a grasp on the throne. She's the last holdout of wedded, royal bliss, having been married to Prince Phillip, the Duke of Edinburgh, for 66 years, come November.

Ever since, royals have wed and divorced like Elizabeth Taylor in Vegas.

The Queen's son, Prince Charles, the 67-year-old heir to the throne, divorced Princess Diana (rest in peace) back in 1996. Since then he has been shacking up with Camilla Parker Bowles, a dame just as handsome as Chuck himself.

Charles' brother Andrew created some buzz back in 1986, when he married Sarah (Fergie) Ferguson, and the union lasted 10 years. Andrew hasn't been heard of since.

Charles' two sons, Princes William and Harry, have a sniff at the throne as well.

William has proved to be the smartest of the bunch so far, marrying Kate Middleton, who now possesses the most photographed baby bump in history. From now on, William can be as wacky as he wants, and as long as Kate's around, no one will notice what he's up to. One smart (and lucky) cookie, I say.

William and Kate have proved to outshine Charles and Diana in every way so far, and there is no reason to doubt that they'll stoke interest in the royal fire for decades to come.

Kate is set to give birth any minute to a future king, or as Harry sees it, that little !*.

Harry has managed to shame palace occupants with his clothing-optional lifestyle while on leave from his military duties. Harry, dubbed the playboy prince, doesn't seem to possess the suave, royal demeanor that a future king would portray, at least according to the British tabloids - themselves poster boys for character. Once William's boy is born, Harry will go into the same heir-to-the-throne protection program that swallowed Andrew.

Granted, even though the blue bloods have always been wacky, the increased media pressure of the last couple decades has made even their minor foibles Internet fodder. Back in the day (meaning in centuries past), if you mentioned something about what the King did, and he didn't find it amusing, you'd be missing a head come sundown.

Apparently, the royal subjects have moved on. The older generation has more respect for the royals, while the younger gens tolerate their existence, rationalizing that at least they bring in some tourism.

Also, it is believed that the royals surprisingly generate a surplus of $160 million annually, so the Brits are actually peering through the windows of Windsor, and laughing all the way to the bank.

Jerry Hitchcock is a copy editor for The Press. He can be reached at 664-8176, Ext. 2017, or via email at jhitchcock@cdapress.com.