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A 'Good Day' to kill a franchise

Tyler Wilson | Hagadone News Network | UPDATED 12 years, 6 months AGO
by Tyler Wilson
| June 7, 2013 9:00 PM

Many movie franchises simply shouldn't exist. "The Hangover," for example, is a good concept for single movie, not three.

Then there's something like "Die Hard," a great movie that spawned a few decent sequels. Sure, nothing touches the original Bruce Willis adventure, but even the fourth film, "Live Free or Die Hard" delivers a solid dose of ridiculous thrills.

Then comes "A Good Day to Die Hard," the fifth installment and an absolute abomination to the franchise. It's the big release on home video this week and a cautionary tale of when actors destroy the very thing that made them a star.

Willis is back as New York cop John McClane, who rushes to Moscow to help his incarcerated son, played by inanimate blockhead Jai Courtney. He's accused of some attempted murder, but really he's CIA on the hunt for evidence against a Russian baddie.

Really though, who cares? McClane keeps quipping about how he's on vacation, even though going to Russia to help your son fight nuke-obsessed Ruskies is so obviously a business trip.

The script is ludicrous (even by "Die Hard" standards), the jokes DOA, and the movie keeps getting trapped by undercooked bad guy monologues and inane father-son "bonding moments." The budget was clearly slashed too, because most of the action scenes look like cheap set-pieces from a Cuba Gooding Jr. direct-to-video title.

After "A Good Day to Die Hard," there should be no more "Die Hards." This one is so bad, they don't even deserve a "sorry about that last one" redemption attempt. Bruce Willis isn't too old for big action stunts, but his eyesight certainly couldn't spot this clunker on the page.

Which leads into more sequels that killed (or should have killed) otherwise promising franchises:

Superman III (1983)

Long before Peter Parker danced his way into darkness in "Spider-man 3," Christopher Reeve faced the dark side of being a hero after Superman is exposed to kryptonite tobacco. Oh and Richard Pryor is there to tell jokes.

The franchise has sputtered ever since, culminating in the undercooked reboot attempt, "Superman Returns" in 2006. One week from today, Supes will see if a new reboot, "Man of Steel" has better luck.

Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000)

The original ultra-low budget "Blair Witch Project" worked as a genuinely scary singular story, but there was enough mythology hinted throughout the film that some kind of sequel might be interesting - just not this ridiculous piece of garbage. To this day, it's rare to see a horror movie as successful as "The Blair Witch Project" spawn just one disposable sequel.

The X-Files: I Want to Believe (2008)

Released six years after the series ended, "I Want to Believe" deliberately steers away from the franchise's alien mythology. The movie's lightweight mystery would be subpar for even the flimsiest of "X-Files" episodes. Its poor box office performance has all but killed any chance of another Mulder and Scully reunion.

Streaming Movie of the Week

The original "Planet of the Apes" from 1968 recently returned to Netflix Streaming service. The franchise has experienced its ups and downs, with the 2001 "remake" starring Mark Wahlberg being the bottom-bottom of the barrel, but 2011's "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" brought the franchise back to relevance. The original is still the best, and always worth another look.

Tyler Wilson can be reached at [email protected].

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