I've been told that strong fences make good neighbors. I once agreed, believing my home as my castle where I lock out all intruders, screen phone messages and turn off the television, then hide in the bedroom when unwanted guests knock on my door.

Arriving home each night, I pull into my garage and quickly press the remote control closing the door. As a king raises the draw-bridge to shelter his kingdom from attack, I close my garage door to escape the outside world. Once secure in my castle, I relax - no distractions, no idle conversation and no demands. Isolation becomes my friend.

Each night I call my parents, discuss and debate the day's events with my wife and play with my daughter. Wishing to escape the need for chit-chat, casual conversation and unwanted knowledge of my neighbors' personal lives, I avoid eye contact while mowing my yard; conveniently looking the opposite direction as my neighbor pulls out of his garage.

My isolation began 17 years ago when I discharged from the Air Force and moved to Coeur d'Alene. Working two full-time jobs to make up for the loss of income from a military paycheck and being a civilian for the first time in 11 years leaves me without a safety net. Overworked, searching for a life focus and tired, I turn inside.

After two years of dodging the outside world I become lonely, sick and have no purpose. I don't like the person I've become.

Change is an interesting thing. Some people talk of change while never taking necessary steps for change, some accept a purposeless life and become victims, while some make a choice to change and follow through with the choice. I decide to change. I go back to college, become a therapist and begin living a purposeful life.

What allows one to change while another remains static? Why might a person have tons of opportunity and not take advantage of his good fortune while another person lives in poverty with little perceived future and becomes successful? The answer lies in grit!

Grit in psychology is a positive, non-cognitive trait, based on an individual's passion for a particular long-term goal or end-state coupled with a powerful motivation to achieve a person's respective objective. This perseverance of effort promotes the overcoming of obstacles or challenges that lie within a gritty individual's path to accomplishment and serves as a driving force in achievement realization.

Commonly associated concepts within the field of psychology include perseverance, hardiness, resilience, ambition, need for achievement and conscientiousness. These constructs can be conceptualized as individual differences related to the accomplishment of work rather than latent ability.This distinction was brought into focus in 1907 when William James challenged the field to further investigate how certain individuals are capable of accessing richer trait reservoirs enabling them to accomplish more than the average person, but the construct dates back at least to Galton, and the ideals of persistence and tenacity have been understood as a virtue at least since Aristotle.

K. Anders Ericsson wrote in, "The Role of Deliberate Practice in the Acquisition of Expert Performance": "The differences between expert performers and normal adults are not immutable, that is, due to genetically prescribed talent. Instead, these differences reflect a lifelong period of deliberate effort to improve performance."

Grit defines a person's tenacity to achieve regardless of his or her background or opportunity. If a person is determined to succeed and has grit, chances are great that he or she will reach their life goal. I still am focused, work too much and need to escape on occasion but no longer hide in my castle. With grit comes success and with success comes confidence.

I no longer look away when my neighbor makes eye contact; I answer the door when there is a knock and visit with my side neighbor over our fence. The relationships I've developed into friendships make my life full and rewarding. Today I reap the rewards of my grit and determination 15 years ago.

Friday afternoon my wife and I arrive home after a nice dinner out and notice our backyard fence laying in our neighbor's yard due to dry-rot and high winds. We meet our backyard neighbor and discuss the issue, decide on a solution and begin our work. Over the next two days we talk, introduce our families and rebuild a fence. Maybe week fences make great neighbors?

If you wish to comment or offer suggestions, please email me at bprutherford@hotmail.com.