I stumble three steps back as the second kick hits squarely on my chest. The oxygen leaves my body with an audible heave as I gasp for air that isn't there. I feel shocked, surprised and helpless. My attacker, Keith, grins, preparing Bruce Lee style for another blow. I manage to squeak out a wispy, "Why," as the third kick, which I never see lands on my temple and I hit the ground, scared at what might happen next. Keith stands over my helpless, prone body and calmly says, "I'm going to do this to you every day - goodbye." Keith walks calmly into our sixth-grade classroom and I begin to cry.

Keith is in my class but I don't really know him. We never talk and have never had a problem with each other until this day. I cannot recall one negative interaction with this boy prior to this rainy, spring day that changes my life forever. Keith, good to his word, continues to beat me every day. I become the victim of a bully.

Bullying comes in many forms and is generally characterized by aggressive behavior, or intentional harm doing, that is carried out repeatedly over time. It also involves an imbalance of power between the victim and the aggressor, possibly based on age, physical prowess, or socio-economic status. Bullying often occurs without apparent provocation.

To stop a bully requires three elements and when applied together, has the power to eliminate this destructive, invasive act. These elements are creating Empathy, ensuring a school has a non-bullying Culture and involving Mental Health professionals to empower the victim while treating the aggressor.

Empathy: the first requirement to stop bullying is to create empathy for all involved - teachers, parents and students. This can be done by showing movies, plays and inviting guest speakers to talk about the affect bullying has on an individual. One such movie is the 2011 documentary, "BULLY," which offers an inside look at how bullying affects a school over a year. The storyline states:

This year, over 13 million American kids will be bullied at school, online, on the bus, at home, through their cell phones and on the streets of their towns, making it the most common form of violence young people in this country experience. BULLY is the first feature documentary film to show how we've all been affected by bullying, whether we've been victims, perpetrators or stood silent witness.

On their website (www.thebullyproject.com) one will find resources for educators, parents, teachers, students and advocates. Rent the movie and watch it with your child (this movie is pretty alarming and might not be appropriate for younger children). If a child believes bullying is funny or "just messing around," I challenge the child will change his mind after watching this film.

Culture: the culture of a school is evident by the attitude of students who attend and the staff who lead. Some schools are known for academic excellence, sport programs, having a culture of artistic expression and sadly, for their reputations as a school of behavioral apathy. To create a culture of safety a school needs to create a safe avenue for children to report bullying, empowering the school community to stand up to bullies and have a zero tolerance for negative language and actions.

A positive school culture must include a method to report bullying without retaliation, a program to teach students to stand up for themselves and an expectation that everyone who sees a child being bullied will stand up for the victim and make the bullying stop.

A positive school culture holds students responsible for all negative and threatening language and intimidating acts. When a teacher sees or hears a child being disrespectful to another child, the perpetrator must be held accountable every time. If an adult dismisses the act even once the victim will view the adult's apathy as acceptance supporting the bully and dismissing the victim. This behavior is intolerable. When an adult sides with the bully, does not take disrespectful language or acts seriously or disregards the behavior as just, "boys being boys," the victim loses faith in the people trusted to keep him safe, becoming more victimized.

Mental Health: school counselors, parents, teachers and administrators must build, through extensive classroom teaching and school-wide programing a proactive bully-proof program at every school in our nation. We must be proactive instead of reactive. Reacting to bullying through suspensions and discipline does little to stop future assaults - but is necessary when one bullies. Reactive discipline only affects the bully.

The counselor and administrator role is to put twice the energy into the victim than the bully teaching empowerment, assertiveness and ensuring safety. Once a bully is suspended, the victim accepts the temporary solace but expects the torment to continue when the bully returns. The victim must feel safe when his tormentor returns to school. The victim and the bully's mental wellness should be addressed to understand and stop the violence of the bully while teaching assertiveness and offering a security blanket of support for the victim.

Being bullied has changed my life. Three weeks after my initial attack by Keith, we meet face to face in the cafeteria at school. I immediately pale and begin to sweat. He calmly says while passing, "I'm not after you anymore." I feel relief but still victimized. Every time I see Keith for the next seven years, anxiety floods my body as I wonder if I will become the random victim of this boy again. I wish someone, anyone would have stepped in. I know people - kids and adults - were present during more than one of my beatings. Why didn't anyone help?

If you wish to comment or offer suggestions, please email me at bprutherford@hotmail.com