Now, just because your Mrs. Language Person, that Snitty, Officious Bitty, that S.O. - , well... She had better stop there, dear Reader. You know where that was going and this is a family newspaper.

How did you know, dear Reader? You read it between the dash ( - ) and the ellipses ( ... ). You could thus imagine MLP "live" and interrupting herself mid-sentence - with that missing "B" - and ending with an embarrassed pause... (replete with unspoken words of contrition). A full silence, if you will. Mea culpa.

Dashes and ellipses bring the written word to life, allowing the writer to communicate broken or explanatory thoughts, or to imply without stating the obvious. Thus one-dimensional expression becomes two - ink upon paper and a mental image. Did you catch that dash, dear Reader, after "two"? Did you imagine MLP stopping - with that explanation of what she meant - before she continued? Dashes may explain or they may simply interrupt - one can not fail to mention both - before the writer completes a sentence.

Just don't overuse them, dear Reader; too many dashes can distract and annoy, as undoubtedly will those in MLP's column. Don't forget that second punctuation item - a dash, comma, semicolon, or period, as may be appropriate. Your choice will equal whatever would have been correct, had the dash and subsequent words been left out altogether.

What am I not saying? Your MLP must move on. She has heretofore exceeded 200 words; the column-inch clock is ticking: 100 words remain... 97... 96...

Ellipses require a reader's concentration to fill in the blanks. Do not mistake them for dashes. They do not merely interrupt; they replace words which the writer omits, in hopes they will nevertheless be understood or, at minimum, not missed. They represent pausing in conversation with that "full silence" of words unexpressed.

Ah, symbolism. MLP loves all things literary - words real and imagined, punctuation to light their way, the feel of a novel in her hands and sounds of a spring rain against the window as she slips away to another world, pit-pat, pit-pat... Did you imagine it, dear Reader? Was nerdy MLP bespectacled in an easy chair perhaps? Was the rain light or heavy? Was it night or day? Was a furry critter at her feet? You filled in the blanks suggested by the ellipses.

Your MLP would be remiss if she did not mention one more use for ellipses: Omissions from quotes. Be careful here, dear Reader, not to change the meaning. Unless, of course, you're the controlling type. MLP is not amused.

"Jerry drove a red Toyota, which he had stolen from a parking lot, to the charity dinner at the convention center designed by that famous architect," said Tom.

Consider ellipses to shorten the sentence this way:

"Jerry drove a red Toyota, which he had stolen from a parking lot, to the charity dinner..."

The architect bit offered little (bit-little-giggle) so it won't be missed. However, this use of ellipses significantly changes Jerry's image:

"Jerry drove a red Toyota... to the charity auction at the convention center designed by that famous architect," said Tom.

So if you use ellipses to spare irrelevant information or shorten a quote, leave the thieving to Jerry and please, dear Reader, don't manipulate the meaning.

And now, where is that rain - which portends those treasured moments of fictional bliss? The cat looks so alone by the easy chair...

Sholeh Patrick and Mrs. Language Person - neither able to stick to 350 words - are columnists for the Hagadone News Network who just didn't feel funny today. Contact them at sholehjo@hotmail.com with comments or corrections for MLP's next installment.