COEUR d'ALENE - Sometimes, Tibor Bene beams when his 10-year-old son gets a little lippy.

Not that its OK to disrespect elders, it's not. Bene doesn't teach them that.

But it was a small sense of pride for Bene when his son Martin talked a little smack to his old man when the two were playing volleyball the other day.

Bene, a former volleyball player in Hungary, missed a pretty easy shot.

"What happened to the great volleyball player from the previous century?" his son chided him.

Bene loved to hear it, he said. And he laughed recounting the story at a Coeur d'Alene coffee shop this week.

It's not that he wants to raise a smart aleck, it shows the father that his son is thinking freely.

To understand, one has to go back to Bene's childhood.

He was 6 or 7 years old, living in rural Hungary, 100 miles from Ukraine. Russian troops occupied his country. When Bene's family sheep were killed by dogs one night, Bene cried about the slaughter at school.

"What are crying for?" a teacher snapped at Bene, then smacked him. "You should be crying for the Russian soldiers who liberated your country."

It's an experience Bene won't forget. He's selling cars now at Knudtsen Chevrolet, after moving his family to the United States in January. It was a goal of his for as long as he can remember ?? at least since the teacher smacked him - that he would live in a free country, where everyone, kids included, can think and say what they want.

"Over here that teacher would be in jail," Bene said. "And they would deserve it."

How Bene got here is a remarkable story.

College educated, he worked for the United States Government for approximately 20 years, including at the embassies in Hungary and Germany. He speaks four languages, German, English, Hungarian and Russian. Working with the Department of Justice, he witnessed firsthand as Cold War-era governments in Eastern Europe changed dramatically.

But it was well before his government career flourished (which earned him eight medals and a picture with the Bush family) that Bene was working as a waiter on a cruise ship when he served Coeur d'Alene real estate agent, Marshall Mend.

Mend slipped Bene the real estate agent's business card, saying if the Hungarian ever wanted to relocate, give him a call.

Two years ago, 17 years after their meeting, Bene took him up on the offer.

Now, he loves his job selling cars, he said, meeting people, many military veterans who are familiar with the stations and countries Bene's been. And he's good at it, selling a handful during his first weeks.

When a former high-ranking colleague found out Bene hung up his government title for the auto business and sent Bene a quick email: "You're selling cars now?" Bene replied: "Sure, want to buy one?"

That's another thing; They say humor is the hardest to translate.

Not so.

When Bene and his wife, a former lawyer, were transitioning their children to their new school, Atlas Elementary, each parent sat in a child's classroom for one month straight.

Eva took the fourth grade, and Bene took the first.

"She's a little better at math," he said. "Actually, some of the kids still think I work there."

How is the family adjusting?

After the first initial few weeks, which was obviously difficult for them to pick up the language, after three months Martin is bringing home A-plus grades in mathematics and both of the kids became student of the month in consecutive months and the teachers like that, because they're well mannered. They let the teachers speak first ...

How did they pick up the language so quickly?

They take after their mother, so they're a little smarter than I am.

What did they say to you when they came to a country with a whole new language and you told them, "Well, you just have to learn it?"

They were obviously afraid. The little guy, Balazs, had no English at all and Martin had just a little English he picked up from Star Wars movies and video games, basically. But they adjusted well. We spent one solid month in school ... But we have two kids now that passed their final exams, and their language (fluency) met the requirements for the kids in the second grade and the fifth grade. So they did so well in three months - they were like the local kids. They were able to earn it.

What about you, how are you adjusting? Is it what you thought. Now that you're here, any regrets?

Technically, I spent 20 years in U.S. territories because I worked in U.S. embassies in Germany and Hungary and I worked with American colleagues my entire life basically, but I never actually lived in the United States. I had to learn from scratch ... I love the people of Idaho. Idaho is the best choice I could make. Because people care for their environment, they're proud of their heritage. They look out for each other, and I've had a very positive experience being in sales. I talk to a lot of people - I talk to maybe 20 to 30 people a day - and in my three months in sales I made about 50 new friends and acquaintances. I must say I'm really amazed by the openness and how frank people are here. I'm a country boy, I like fishing and hunting ... I don't desire to go to a big city environment, Washington D.C.

What's a big difference you're not used to yet?

Small things. Like how my kid pronounces 'water,' and I cannot.

And when I go to a gas station, I fill up my car with $20 (cash) at the station because I only know how to pay (with cash at the service pump) ... I still don't like to use my credit card, because over there in Europe you're supposed to leave it in (the credit card machine), but over here you're supposed to stick in it and out, so I still haven't learned ... My big goal is when I go to the gas station - my happy day is when I go to gas station, I'm like a local.

What's with water? You can't say it like your son. It's the T?

Yes. And when he speaks Hungarian to me he has an accent. So he speaks Hungarian like an American would.

You speak Hungarian at home.

Yes, you're supposed to maintain your roots. Everyone originates from somewhere else, some other country. But they have an accent.

How long do you want to stay? What's your plan?

The school (Atlas) is just amazing. But I have a little bit of a teaching background so I could teach in a college. So if it stays like this, we'll stay on. To be more specific, if I had it my way, I'd never move out of the school district ... Even if it takes a camper, I'll be outside that school.

What did your friends and family in Europe say when you told them you were moving?

One of the reasons I left, because of my job (with the U.S. government), I was getting some harassment, you know? Not every layer of that society is American-friendly. You can write it down how you think it's best. But I was basically being, not punished, but I got some bad things out of the job ... Like at school, if you had a pen with an American flag, the teacher would throw it back at my kid, a first grader, 'it doesn't belong here.' You can imagine that old, brainwashed, former Russian teacher ... and he comes home crying. But here? Martin, the fourth grader, and you can write it down, he says, in English 'I love my new life in America.' He said that after a month at school here.

What about your family?

I only have a mother and I'm the oldest man in the family. Of course she was sad ... But I was the first one in 40 years to get U.S. citizenship in that country ... My mother said, son, 'I never thought you would achieve it' ... But I set this goal for myself, to live in a country that's free thinking, you know? Because that's the difference that will forever stay between me and my kids. I was brought up in the socialist era. I have conformity in me. I have something from that. And I don't think I will ever be able to get out of that. And I see my kid, who just called me the volleyball player from the previous century, and he doesn't have that, you know? He has all the freedom. He keeps telling me, 'This is a free country.' That's what he keeps telling me, and he's a small kid, age 10. Like I would turn the radio down in the car, he'd turn it up and say, 'Dad, it's a free country.' That was just yesterday, coming back from the soccer game. So my mom says she never would have believed I would achieve this.

Wow, that's a good story.

Forty years is a long, long time.

What's something Americans need to know about themselves? What do you know about us we might not know?

I don't know if it's offensive but ... There's a lot more out there, you know? ... Maybe their (foreign) geography is a little bit lacking. There is more than just two or three countries ... But I'm learning the U.S. geography with my kid. I'd love to teach here - European studies - if anyone is interested.

What's the best thing and worst thing about raising a family in two cultures?

We have a lot of fun. I told you the gas station story. Cooking and shopping is funny. A lot of the words in English mean something different in Hungarian ... Like cookie (cookie in Hungarian is a euphemism for a human reproductive organ) ... So we have these difficulties and we speak a mixture of the two languages.

Any final thoughts?

No regrets. I had a great job, but ... I came here so the boys pick up the idea of freedom from the beginning.

Tom Hasslinger can be reached at 664-8176 Ext. 2010 or thasslinger@cdapress.com