Popular wisdom has long supported the notion of a "marriage advantage" in health and longevity. In recent decades, much research indicates that it's true.

In general, married people enjoy better overall health including less heart disease, fewer strokes, and lower cancer rates than their single, divorced or widowed counterparts. Married couples live longer and, more importantly, enjoy longer "healthspans." There is also evidence that they may suffer lower rates of dementia.

Marriage is not all good news on the health front - marriage also makes us (statistically) fatter. According to one study, marriage increases women's risk of being overweight by 3.9 percent and men's risk of being overweight by 6.1 percent, as compared to unmarried individuals.

Research reveals it is not the institution of marriage itself that creates a health advantage. Ultimately, health benefits arise from having a durable and happy core relationship.

What is a happy relationship? It is certainly not the absence of conflict - all non-fairy tale relationships involve some degree of conflict.What matters, rather, is the way conflict is handled. Partners in high-conflict relationships involving "nasty" fighting - belittling, accusatory, controlling, or contemptuous - fare worse on the health front than their single or divorced peers.

More specific studies have shown that couples who have nasty fights exhibit significant declines in their immune systems. In a remarkable experiment at Ohio State University, researchers used a device to slightly blister the skin on couple's forearms, then prompted the couples to have either an argument or a pleasant discussion. Researchers then evaluated the couple's interaction styles and monitored the healing times for the slight skin wounds. Couples that exhibited nasty fighting styles took two days longer to heal than fair fighters. The subjects who had a pleasant conversation healed a full day sooner than the fair fighters. This result is consistent with extensive research showing the debilitating effects of stress on the immune, cardiovascular and other systems.

Couples who learn to include affirmations of love and respect even during fights, avoid contempt, ridicule and accusation, and make prompt repair attempts, are most likely to report enjoying happy relationships and to reap health dividends.

The lesson from both science and received wisdom: cultivate the garden of your core relationship in life, and act swiftly to steer back into the healthy partnership zone when unhealthy conflict or avoidance and apathy begin to creep in. You will be happier and healthier, and you will very likely enjoy those benefits longer than your lonely or hostile peers. That's a trifecta!

Stephen Gajewski MS, JD, LPC, LLC provides individual and couples counseling, specializing in mind body health and medicine, mindfulness, stress management and reduction, career counseling and coaching, work-life balance, and adult ADHD. He also specializes in helping clients deal with issues surrounding chronic pain and disease. Contact him at (208) 640-3323 or www.sgajewskillc.com.