Disney took a lesson in sexism

This is not a high score to be proud of.

The front page of Monday's Press reported that in the latest national rankings, Idaho places seventh among the top 10 states for women murdered by men, an average 94 percent by men they knew.

That comports with Idaho's persistently consistent higher-than-average rates of domestic violence in general. For those living it, it's not an event-by-event thing. It's a miserable lifestyle to live in constant, adrenaline-high dread, walk on eggshells, to never know what the "mood" will bring each day...

Unlike rates of other violent crimes, which have been falling, interpersonal violence has remained high here. Neighboring Washington, Oregon and Montana all have rates not only lower than ours, but also lower than the national average. Monday's story quoted a Kootenai County prosecutor who says the report is no surprise; the workload reflects an unchanging local reality. She said victims hesitate to report because in Idaho it's still seen as "a family problem."

Why does it persist? Because we don't recognize it is a society problem.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Each October for 11 years I've outlined statistics, explanations, concerns, and arguments about how much and why this phenomenon affects each one of us (not just those being abused), in our relationships, budgets, and workplaces - repeated, rehashed, shared harrowing stories, and tried to evoke ethos and pathos.

Not this year. This year let's talk Disney.

If you have kids or grandkids, maybe you saw the movie "Brave," with a new sort of "princess" who isn't so princess-y. A tough girl - not just emotionally tough like Belle or uncouth-tough like Fiona; Merida is a tomboy. Beyond questionable manners and archery skills, Merida even looks, well, imperfectly normal. Much less Miss America-hourglass than Disney's usual princess. This chick is a girl's girl - a real woman with a "different" look and mixed-bag personality who rescues herself - to be admired as a whole person, not eye candy.

The problem came after the movie run; Disney redesigned her for the toy markets. Merida dolls did not look like her movie image; her chest grew and her waist shrunk. She got sexy.

Whoa - really? Sexify a heroine for little girls in toy stores, after they finally broke the sexualized pressure mold with the movie? That's some irony. To fans' credit, major outrage made headway. Pressure from parents and educators prompted Disney to scale back the redesigned Merida.

What's my point? Attitude is no platitude; part of the culture of tolerated domestic violence goes deeper than the local "their family is not my, or the government's, business" feeling. Merida's marketing story is just a symbol, but the problem of persistence is quite serious.

It's us.

Pretty is fine, but American culture's hyper focus on sexualizing girls far beyond natural reason seems to have stunted our growth. With advances in so many other areas of psychology and health, we seem stuck on this. As psychologists have so often noted and repeated in Psychology Today, it lowers girls' self-esteem and subconsciously affects boys with "sexualized, objectified images of women." When we grow up, this affects our behavior, our perceived limits, what we will do and what we will accept.

This is where we must start - reform these expectations, pressures, and images. Small things mean more than they may seem, especially to developing youth; but even adults can change their perceptions. Do we (both genders) say "handsome" or "overweight" first - before mentioning his career, intelligence, or kindness - when we describe men, as often as we first list "pretty," "young," or "fat" with women? Do we talk as often about what a man wears as we do women? Even the most conscious of us seem to habitually begin with the physical for females. That's what objectifying boils down to: limits.

So human value begins and ends there, or at least fights to. Very unhealthy. We know strength should come from within and beauty focused there, but society as a whole gives that more lip-service than actual support.

Domestic and sexual violence involve much more than that, yes. Abusers have other psychological problems, a lack of control and insecurity that makes controlling others more satisfying. But that doesn't explain our society's lack of progress in dealing with it. Lip service doesn't do it. Those little jokes and quiet acceptances of everyday stereotypes - worse, our not noticing - are like a breeding ground for status quo.

For one month, think about it - about this aspect, these images and our tolerances. Try to stay conscious of these and notice them during each conversation, each TV show, among marketing materials. Look for it: Where is the focus and are there gender differences in each? How often is the female subject focus on the body, somehow?

Each time this happens there is a subconscious reduction. It adds up image by image, day by day and becomes more OK, bit by bit, to focus less on "person" and more on "object" - that object taken to the extreme becomes something to control, or toss around.

The relations between the genders is everyone's business. There's nothing wrong with and it is natural to enjoy beauty where we find it; sex too has its purpose and place. But it isn't everything and it shouldn't be everywhere; this is distorting. With greater awareness among men and women and more of a group effort, we can plant the seeds for greater balance.

Hey, a girl can dream.

Sholeh Patrick, J.D. is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network. Contact her at [email protected].