Random movie awards
Tyler Wilson | Hagadone News Network | UPDATED 10 years AGO
Top 10 lists celebrate the best movies of the year, and worst lists scrape the bottom of the cinematic barrel. What about everything in between?
I've seen more than 100 movies released in 2014, and most of them don't deserve to make either list. In order to properly recap the year, I've come up with my own set of random awards. They celebrate the memorable moments and performances, good and bad, that wouldn't necessarily get mentioned on my formal lists.
Think of it this way: If these awards didn't exist, I would have nowhere to discuss Nicolas Cage. That's unacceptable.
Biggest disappointment: "Interstellar"
I've been in some heated arguments about Christopher Nolan's space epic. I wish I could be among the people who love it. Nolan is an insanely talented filmmaker, and "Interstellar" was probably my most anticipated movie of 2014. I simply couldn't reconcile the gap between Nolan's incredible visuals and his clunky storytelling choices.
Most overrated: "The Theory of Everything"
This Stephen Hawking biopic has some good performances and lovely cinematography. I just wish the movie gave us more insight into Hawking's work than standard biopic tropes.
Most underrated: "Obvious Child"
Sensitive subject matter (abortion) may be the reason this Jenny Slate comedy is being ignored this awards season. What a shame, because Slate should be a star after her sensitive and funny performance here.
Best musical moment: "We're Doing a Sequel" in "Muppets Most Wanted"
The funniest and snappiest "Muppet" song in years, created in part because Disney was waiting for Tom Hanks to make "Toy Story 4." Honorable mentions: Batman's "Darkness" song in "The Lego Movie;" Mark Ruffalo listens to Keira Knightley sing for the first time in "Begin Again;" Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig lip-sync in "The Skeleton Twins;" Michael Fassbender (wearing a giant paper mache head) briefly "performs" for an excited crowd in "Frank."
Greatest case for Scientology: "Edge of Tomorrow"
Tom Cruise the Movie Star trumps Tom Cruise the Wacky Scientologist in this smart and exciting sci-fi adventure.
Most shocking act of violence: "Gone Girl"
No spoilers. You know what I'm talking about.
Most hilarious act of violence: "People die at the fair," from "A Million Ways to Die in the West." The movie itself is a mess, but it has a few inspired bits of comedy, including a gruesomely funny scene at an Old West fair.
Best F-Bomb: The Rock is tired of "centaurs" in "Hercules" Honorable Mention: Adam Driver enjoys nachos in "What If."
Best CGI character: Koba (Toby Kebbell) in "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes"
Worst human character: Mark Wahlberg in "Transformers: Age of Extinction." He's an inventor!
Most deceitful marketing: The size of Bryan Cranston's role in "Godzilla"
Most curious marketing choice: Showing only a few seconds of a Hobbit in the trailer for "The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies."
Best individual action sequence: Ski chase, "The Grand Budapest Hotel"
Honorable Mention: "Time in a Bottle" in "X-Men: Days of Future Past," Birdman on the street, "Birdman"
Saddest movie: Watching the reliably brilliant Philip Seymour Hoffman in "A Most Wanted Man," one of his final films.
Biggest fanboy quibble: Wolverine not having the adamantium in his claws to properly take down a Sentinel in "X-Men: Days of Future Past."
Biggest fanboy hatewatch: The Michael Bay-ified "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles."
Surprise breakout performance: Tyler Perry, "Gone Girl"
Proof that Nicolas Cage can still act: The indie,"Joe"
Proof that Nicolas Cage will star in anything: "Left Behind"
Most valuable screen presence: Tom Hardy, who drives a car and talks on the phone for the entirety of "Locke."
Best fight: The elevator tussle in "Captain America: The Winter Soldier."
Honorable mention: Pick a random scene in "The Raid 2."
Most enjoyable piece of garbage: "Need for Speed"
Funniest Seth Rogen movie that wasn't threatened with terrorism: "Neighbors"
Most powerful/horrifying musical score: Alien Scarlett Johansson seduces her prey in "Under the Skin."
Best credits sequence: The sequel montage at the end of "22 Jump Street."
Craziest performance: Tilda Swinton in "Snowpiercer"
Most grounded crazy character: Tilda Swinton's vampire in "Only Lovers Left Alive"
Craziest stunt casting that backfires: Will Smith in "Winter's Tale"
Cringiest movie dialogue: Tie: The "Love, TARS, love" line in "Interstellar;" the "Babies taste the best" shocker in "Snowpiercer."
Darkest moment in a kid's movie: The wing mutilation in "Maleficent."
Most forgettable waste of a few hundred million dollars: "Amazing Spider-Man 2"
Saddest attempt to reignite careers: The cast of "The Expendables 3."
Most wasted cast: "The Monuments Men"
Most insulting assault on your childhood: "The Giver"
Most indistinguishable dialogue: "Transformers: Age of Extinction." There was a good 45 minutes of dialogue I couldn't hear above the robot noise.
Tyler Wilson can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com
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