Parenting does not happen by accident. One must think, research, study and plan to parent a child. Think; the most important act one does in his or her life - the creation of life - is possible with little thought or intention. One can create a child by simply seeking pleasure through another's company resulting in a baby - the creation of life!

Once a child is conceived, the baby's future is in the hand of both the creator and the Creator. If a mother consumes high levels of alcohol, drugs, lives a life of high stress or disregards her physical health while pregnant, the child may suffer.

Likewise, the child may be dealt a different hand based on circumstances outside the womb. A child's DNA, family history, unforeseen circumstances or the hand of God might determine if a child is born healthy or with a disability. Regardless of a child's ability, a parent must prepare to accept the task of parenting.

Pensively parenting a child allows a mom or dad the knowledge to confirm he or she is on the right track, making the right choices and offering his or her child the best opportunity for future success. Again, parenting does not happen by accident.

A mother or father must put forth the same effort into raising their child as they place into passing their driver's license exam, completing a math final in her of his senior year of high school or the energy and time spent mastering the 15th prestige level 50 on the video game, "Call of Duty; Special Ops." Raising a child takes energy, time and thought.

I vividly remember, 28 years ago, my uncle Freeman and me talking about life and raising children as I place my only child Heather, in bed as a little baby. She is crying but obviously ready for slumber. As she rubs her eyes, yawns and cries loudly I place her in her crib, tuck her in and kiss her gently on her forehead.

Freeman and I slowly walk back to the kitchen, continue our conversation and sit at the dinner table enjoying our iced tea and P, B, and J sandwiches. Heather continues to cry but the cries begin to slow, with pauses between the tears. After a few minutes, Heather becomes quiet. I walk back to the bedroom to ensure Heather's chest is rising and falling, return to the kitchen and sit with my uncle as he takes the final bite of his sandwich.

"You're going to be a great dad." My uncle chokes out as a tear runs down his face. Struggling to understand his emotions I ask, "What is wrong?"

"Absolutely nothing," he says as he rises from his chair and gives me a hug. Surprised, I reciprocate the hug which continues for two or three minutes. Continuing to cry, Freeman repeats, "You're going to be a great dad." I get it.

Allowing Heather to stay in the struggle, cry out her emotions, sooth herself while finding solace in her self-soothing and allowing her to fall asleep under her own terms are lessons Heather will use throughout her life. My uncle is acknowledging my understanding of human behavior.

I know to allow Heather to stay in this emotional struggle because of my research and reading about why children cry. My wife and I read everything we can find about raising children. We read T. Barry Brazelton, Dr. Spock, John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth, Jean Piaget and William Glasser and many other popular writers and thinkers who specialize in parenting. We are pensive in our parenting.

My wife and I take the time to study more about our child's tears than we spend studying about beating a Nintendo video game or watching television. We read about raising our little girl and research ways to ensure she will be enriched, nurtured and healthy. We offer this little bundle of love everything we possibly can to ensure her emotional, physical and psychological health.

I wish to offer parents the same opportunity to find information, ideas and stories on raising children, living life and eating well as I searched for while raising my child.

Pensiveparenting.com is my new website offering parents an insight into living a healthy life, raising kids and educating children. Please take a look and offer me feedback, ideas and thoughts.

Send comments or other suggestions to Bill Rutherford at bprutherford@hotmail.com or visit pensiveparenting.com.