There has been some conversation recently about kids and cell phones. The Cd’A school district sent out a letter to all District 271 families informing them of the potential pitfalls of providing a cellphone to your child. The concerns raised were proper use and potential misuse of cell phones. The letter provided links to an article on webmd.com and developing a phone contract with your child. Then on Dec. 7, William Rutherford’s column in The Press dealt with this same issue. His article pointed out some aspects related to elementary children and how they misused their cell phones. The conversation about proper cell phone use needs to take place in households on a regular basis.

My experience in working with high school students has opened my eyes to a world that most adults would be stunned, or at a minimum concerned, to know exists. I think that the general public would be surprised to know how often kids are staying up late into the night texting, on social media and engaging in and recording behaviors that would make a sailor blush. If you want to know when your child is using their phone, just look at your phone bill. You can download a spreadsheet that will tell you the date and time of every text message that was sent or received. Do you want to know why your child isn’t doing well in class? Look at their cellphone usage and find out how many text messages they send or receive during the school day, or how late they are staying up at night. This will provide some insight as to how they are utilizing their time.

I have had multiple students tell me that they, or someone close to them, have sent and received nude photos of themselves, their friends or others. Some students have talked about being coerced into taking a picture, sending it, and then feeling horrible after it happened. Usually the conversation starts out casual enough with someone they know. First they take a picture of their bedroom. Then it moves to taking a picture them in their room. Then they are on the bed... you see where this is headed. Many times the person on the other end of the conversation is luring them into believing that they have a relationship that is safe, and perhaps it is at that moment. But those photos are out there and relationships among young people are temporary. What someone thought was a private moment becomes the talk of the school later.

In some cases cell phones are used to take pictures of another student in the restroom or locker room without their knowledge. Those pictures are then used as a tool to harass the victim. The target of this type of behavior is often so embarrassed that they don’t want to say anything about it. It is usually a third party who steps up and informs the school about the incident.

Other teens use their cell phones to capture images of their criminal escapades, and share those images as a way to fit in with the crowd and build up their social image.

In general, there are two types of students who have spoken with me about these experiences. Those who have been emotionally scarred, feel ashamed and embarrassed. Often they internalize the experience until it eventually eats away at them and they begin to engage in self-harming behaviors. Other students that I have spoken with see nothing wrong with this type of behavior. They have spoken casually about nude photos and videos of themselves or others doing things that should not be captured on video being exchanged. Whether this type of behavior is right or wrong is a conversation that I will leave to the parents to have with their child to determine what their moral compass dictates to be appropriate behavior. Just know that there are many young people who are willing to share among their peers what the authorities would deem to be child pornography.

Providing your child a cell phone can be a great thing. It can also have devastating and even deadly consequences. Developing a contract with your child about their cell phone use is a good first step, but the contract will mean nothing if the parent is not vigilant in monitoring the use of the phone on a regular basis. While the letter from the school district, and newspaper columns are a good start, this conversation needs to take place in homes on a regular basis. Cell phones, and the potential dangers they present, are not going away.

Parents, it is your responsibility to ensure that your child is not engaging in behaviors that will put them or others in harm’s way. Have the conversation with your child. Develop a technology use agreement. Then sit down with your child, read their text messages, go over their social media posts, and look at their pictures. Find out what they are doing and when they are doing it. Some may say that this is an invasion of the child’s privacy. I would assert that when “privacy” is hiding inappropriate behavior, then it is the responsibility of the parent to intervene. How often this needs to happen depends on what you find. Young people need to know that trust is earned, and lost, by their actions. Most of all, build a relationship with your child that lets them know that they can come to you with anything and that you are willing to talk. This is not about being punitive. It is about teaching young people how to use the technology that they carry with them every day appropriately.

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Rick Jones is a counselor at Coeur d’Alene High School.