It's Christmas in Coeur d'Alene and all should be merry, except for just one who's quite the contrary.

"Poohpooh to you," the Grinch grinchishly said. He folded his arms and lifted his head. "It's freezing out here and I should be in bed!"

Each Christmas the Grinch comes to Lake Coeur d'Alene to heckle cruise-goers and yell and complain.

He shakes his fist and lurks on the Boardwalk as cruise boats go by and pass him on the dock.

"Merry Christmas, no thanks! Christmas can eat rocks!"

Despite the Grinch's bad 'tude and his garlicky soul, cruise-goers still have fun sailing to the North Pole.

"Stealing Christmas is my biggest ambition, but heckling the cruise boats has become my tradition!"

The Grinch said this with a nod and a sneer, sharing his plans for the rest of the year.

"I'll go back to my cave; it's a wonderful mess. I'll relax and forget this holiday stress."

He said Lake City folks are as bad as the Whos, with their festive downtown and their holiday cruise.

"You people are merry right down to your shoes!"

In his fake Santa suit, the Grinch walked away, grumbling something about Christmas Day.

"I'm sick of the smiles and the joy and the laughter. The best thing about Christmas is the day that comes after!"

• • •

Today is Christmas Day and you're the Grinch. How are you feeling right now?

Hate, hate, hate, double hate, loathe entirely. I'm annoyed and wanting Chinese food. I feel like YOU feel on tax day. Now get away from me.

What is your favorite thing about Christmas?

Black Friday. And that I only have to suffer through this once a year. What is your favorite thing about taxes? I could go on like this forever.

What is your favorite holiday food? Holiday activity?

Food: Anything someone was really looking forward to and I stole. Activity: Stealing Christmas trees is a great way to shove away the blues.

What is your least favorite thing about Christmas?

That it exists. Oh and the noise, THE NOISE! Everything! Seriously, who the heck hires reporters around here!?

If you could change anything about Christmas, what would it be?

No days off for anyone. It should never have been invented!

What do you do during the rest of the year when you're not down here on the Boardwalk yelling at people on the holiday cruises?

I spend a lot of time in the comments section of The Press website. I also make detailed insult lists and boss around Max. Planning my evil shenanigans for next year has been keeping me busy. But it's none of your beeswax!

How did you end up in Coeur d'Alene, anyway?

I am a renowned member of the Bah-Humbug Society, which recommended I come to Coeur d'Alene to protest its disgusting annual Christmas event.

Is there ANYTHING you like about Christmas?

Stealing your stockings. Oh and the moment when all the children in town simultaneously sugar-crash together and all the moms and dads realize what a LOOOOOONNNGGGG day it will be. Warms my heart. Ruining Christmas can have its moments of joy.

If you had one message for our beautiful, happy community here in Coeur d'Alene on Christmas Day, what would it be?

Remember kids, the real spirit of Christmas is mindless consumerism. But ... then again ... hmph ... maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.