A fifth-grade girl is crying on the bench at the school where I work. I sit next to her and ask what is wrong? She tearfully says, “Someone is going to kill me.” I comfort her as we walk to my office in search of privacy. Once in my office I ask her to explain. She calms slightly while pulling a cellphone from her pocket. Without talking, she searches the phone for a text, finds it and hands me the phone. The text reads, “You stinky ****, everyone at school hates you, I asked them, and we all wish you were dead.” I ask, “Did you show this to your mom?” The scared little girl responds, “No; if I do my mom will take away my phone.”

This conversation is sadly common. Many children struggle with the pain of being intimidated and bullied through technology while too scared to disclose the threats, in fear of losing the ability to remain technologically cool. In the world of children, and many adults, owning the right smartphone has become more important than being smart.

Hannah Masters, a member of the Anti-Bullying Task Force of the Coeur d’Alene School District defines her struggle with raising kids in a technological world.

“Is it just me or did parenting go from hard to technical? I am a mom of two teenagers and the world is a lot different than when I was growing up. Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, the cloud…the list goes on. You see, I am a Digital Immigrant and I am raising Digital Native children. They were born into this world, they are fluent in the language of the Web, and they are comfortable in the cloud.”

“The average teen/tween spends almost as much time online as they do in school, most walk around with a computer in their pocket (smart phones and iPods) and they share with friends. This makes parenting harder, because children can access the Internet from anywhere. It is imperative that parents know what is going on in that world. Parents need a window so they know who is talking to their children, if they are being bullied 24/7, and how they are representing themselves. Parents need to talk to their children about cyberbullying, sexting and online predators. Parents need to guide them; technology isn’t going away, it is every child’s way of life.”

The National Crime Prevention Council offers the following information to educate parents and children of the dangers of technological bullying (cyberbullying).

Being a victim of cyberbullying can be a common and painful experience. Some kids who cyberbully pretend to be other people online, spread lies and rumors about victims, trick people into revealing personal information, send or forward mean text messages and post pictures of victims without their consent.

When teens are asked why they think others cyberbully, 81 percent say cyberbullies think it’s funny. Other teens believe youth who cyberbully don’t think it’s a big deal, don’t think about the consequences, are encouraged by friends, think everybody cyberbullies and think they won’t get caught.

Contrary to what cyberbullies may believe, cyberbullying is a big deal and can cause a variety of reactions. Some children react in positive ways by blocking communication with the cyberbully, deleting messages without reading them, talk to their parent about the bullying and reporting the problem to an Internet service provider or website moderator.

Kids who are cyberbullied report feeling angry, hurt, embarrassed or scared. These emotions can cause victims to react in ways such as seeking revenge on the bully, avoiding friends and activities, skipping school and cyberbullying back.

Some kids feel threatened because they may not know who is cyberbullying them. Although cyberbullies may think they are anonymous, they can be found. If you are cyberbullied or harassed and need help, save all communication with the cyberbully and talk to a parent, teacher, law enforcement officer or other adult you trust.

Remember:

• Never post or share your personal information online (this includes your full name, address, telephone number, school name, parents’ names, credit card number or Social Security number) or your friends’ personal information.

• Never share your Internet passwords with anyone except your parents.

• Never meet anyone face-to-face whom you only know online.

• Talk to your parents about what you do online.

All parents must know what their children do on the Internet and must routinely check their child’s cellphone texts and messages. If your child shows changes in his or her personality, talk with him or her. If your child won’t talk, call your child’s principal, counselor or teacher and ask if they have noticed a change in your child’s actions.

Know your child’s friends. Talk with him or her about changes in your child’s personality and about your child’s safety. Your child may be angry when you scan his or her text messages, log on to his or her Facebook account or read his or her email, but often you might be the only person brave enough to keep your child safe.

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Send comments or other suggestions to William Rutherford at bprutherford@hotmail.com or visit pensiveparenting.com.