How can we best remember the courage, quality and sacrifice of the fallen on Memorial Day? Every Memorial Day, the question of how to remember those that fell defending our nation challenges us because the question of how to remember is so simple and, ultimately, so heart-rending and difficult.

The loss of any soldier, sailor, Marine or airmen is a devastating loss to the country, the family that raised them, and the community that served as the foundation of their character. What I find the most troubling on Memorial Day is that, in the end, we too often only remember the physical sacrifice that results in the death of the military member. We need to hold dear the memory of the values, character, and essence of the person that fell defending America.

On Memorial Day, we need to remember the courage, sacrifice, dedication, and physical prowess of the steps that those military members took to reach the point where they fell. To appreciate the sacrifice in battle, we need to appreciate the courage that it took in each of their steps to reach the point in battle where they fell.

Before they were remembered on Memorial Day, they were playful toddlers, seemingly irredeemable rascals who climbed trees, played baseball, stayed out too late after dark and studied hard in school to get good grades for a bright future. They were also different races, different ethnicities, and spoke different languages. From across America and different backgrounds, military personnel are united in the common color of their uniforms of green, white, and tan. They walked, marched, ran, swam, and crawled through their military training and initial experiences in the military. In the end, they continued to go forward until they could not go forward any more.

The steps that they took in their final days alive truly represent the courage and integrity that we need to remember on Memorial Day. Those who fell donned parachutes, put on oxygen masks, wore life jackets, and laced up boots as they went about their duties cleaning rifles, readying machine guns, loading cannons, and preparing rockets on ships, planes, tanks and trucks. They were every conceivable combination of scared, brave, cold, hot, tired, rested, hungry, fed, sick and healthy. No matter the difficulty or conditions, they paid it no mind, and stepped forward to do their duty for themselves, their comrades, and their communities. In their last days and in their final moments, they took steps to constantly move forward and to serve.

After they fell and were mourned, their families continued their lives of courage and took steps to recover and move forward. There were jobs to do, children to raise, lives to continue, and communities to embrace. The families of the fallen had to continue the courage of their daily steps with a separate and distinct bravery that was equal parts honor, compassion, love and dedication.

On Memorial Day, we remember those who fell by recalling the entirety of the steps they took in their lives from children to the day they fell as soldiers, sailors, Marines and airmen. The memory of the fallen military members must be seen in the quality and character of their entire lives, not only their last day in combat. On Memorial Day, we must remember both the fallen and their families because this is how we truly understand, appreciate, and respect their sacrifice and dedication to America and its communities.

Chad Storlie, a retired U.S. Army Special Forces officer, is the author of “Combat Leader to Corporate Leader” and “Battlefield to Business Success.” Both books teach how to translate and apply military skills to business.