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How 'Match Game' will BLANK the world

Tyler Wilson Special to | Hagadone News Network | UPDATED 8 years, 8 months AGO
by Tyler Wilson Special to
| September 23, 2016 9:00 PM

I’m what the folks around town would call a game show enthusiast. This began at an early age, and to this day my mother complains about how annoying 6-year-old me wouldn’t let anyone else “host” the board game version of “Wheel of Fortune.”

Slightly unnecessary side note — The ’80s-version board game of “Wheel of Fortune” followed the proper way of playing the game. It did not include the modern day nonsense of toss-up puzzles, ½ car wheel segments and the irritating “mini-wheel” of prizes in the bonus round. “Wheel of Fortune” didn’t need to be fixed. Stop meddling, Pat Sajak.

My love of game shows comes from my Grandma Rosemary. Almost every summer we’d visit her and Grandpa Bob in western Wisconsin. I talked Minnesota Twins baseball with Grandpa, and Grandma Rosie and I would play cribbage and watch “The Price is Right.”

Grandpa passed a couple years ago. I’m not sure he’d even talk to me about this year’s embarrassment of a Twins baseball club. Grandma Rosie spent this past week in the hospital but is thankfully doing much better now. Still, in all the uncertainty of recent days, I found comfort in “The Price is Right,” even without the stalwart presence of Bob Barker.

The truly great shows find ways to endure. Drew Carey will never be Bob Barker, and Steve Harvey will probably never kiss a contestant on the mouth on “Family Feud.” It’s different and that’s OK, so long as they don’t mess with what made the show work in the first place (The show is not called “Wheels of Fortune.” You don’t need this extra wheel, Pat.).

In my teenage youth, while fretting over girls and avoiding athletic activity, I often watched reruns of old programs on the Game Show Network. I loved all the classics, with maybe the exception of “Match Game,” where two hapless contestants filled in the blanks of ridiculous and provocative sentences in an effort to match the answers from a panel of six celebrities.

The premise is terrific, of course, but I never could get into it because I didn’t know any of the celebrities. I mean, Richard Dawson was there, but he wasn’t kissing everybody on the mouth. It was confusing.

Flash forward to summer 2016, and the debut of a new “Match Game,” this time featuring panels of modern day celebrities. People I know. We’re talking folks like Leah Remini and JB Smoove. Real, bonafide stars!

It might be my new favorite game show.

Now, to be clear, the new “Match Game” wallows in stupidity and innuendo. And if you were to ask me again to name my favorite game show, I might think twice about my reputation and say, “Jeopardy,” which remains as great as it’s ever been. But whereas certain rounds of Double Jeopardy make me feel stupid (particularly during those Tournaments of Champions), a spirited round of “Match Game” reminds me that the stars of today are just as stupid as the rest of us, if not more so.

Again, to be clear, I love “The West Wing.” I read books on occasion. But I also love the show where the answer to almost every question is a provocative body part.

On paper, Alec Baldwin seems like an odd choice to host “Match Game.” Even though he’s not the A-lister he was back in the ’90s, Baldwin is still typically the most famous person on a given episode. Baldwin’s jerkish, mouthy public reputation plays perfectly here, and he wastes no opportunity hurling insults at contestants and panelists alike. Nobody is safe from ridicule, especially when they say something idiotic. It’s the perfect balance of movie star charm and drunken smarm, and I’ll bet money right now that Baldwin wins a third Emmy for his antics.

But the breakout star of “Match Game” is Jack McBrayer, Baldwin’s seemingly innocent co-star from “30 Rock.” McBrayer plays against the assumption that he’s just as wide-eyed and folksy as his “30 Rock” character, NBC-page Kenneth Parcel. He’s a real polite Southern boy until a blank requires some word for genitalia.

New “Match Game” is obviously dirtier than old “Match Game,” and I know some readers out there already have their “Tyler Wilson recommends more smut” letters to the editor at the ready. But dagnabbit I think the world could use a little more innocent tomfoolery.

Case in point, the most recent episode of “Match Game” featured noted Liberal Alec Baldwin bonding with noted Alaskan Sarah Palin over the absurdity of the antics surrounding them. “Match Game” brought them together, which Obamacare could never say.

I therefore propose a new format for the first Clinton-Trump debate. Game shows, I tell ya, they can unite this entire Blanking country.

•••

Tyler Wilson can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com.

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