People around the world have been celebrating April Fools’ Day since 1369 when a friend of Chaucer’s heard him toying around with the notion of pulling merry pranks on April 1. This same pheasant, drunk on mead, shouted to King Edward III as the king’s royal procession passed by his straw hut at noon, “Your horse is lame!”, upon which he was immediately beheaded. This put a damper on the whole concept for centuries.

Today in the UK, an April Fool joke is revealed by shouting "April fool!" at the recipient, who becomes the "April fool." The joking ceases at noon to honor the headless pheasant who first celebrated this day. A person playing a joke after midday is the "April fool" themselves and must walk naked and backward to work for a week.

The first recorded celebration of this day in South America was in the early 18th century when Romanians emigrating to Brazil shouted "P c leal de 1 Aprilie!" from their rooftops on April 1. This didn’t catch on for decades until one of them realized Brazilians spoke Portuguese. In the Dark Ages people in Europe knew this day as "April fish." This included the tradition of trying to attach the head of a mackerel to a victim's back without being noticed. Unfortunately, at a time when most of the people were walking around with the Black Plague, the smell of a fish head was barely noticeable.

History books are filled with moments spoiled by an April Fools’ Day prank. Seven years before the telephone was actually invented, Alexander Graham Bell’s assistant, Thomas Watson, shouted

“Eureka! I can hear you!” then screamed, “April Fool!” as Bell ran into the room joyous at his monumental invention. Bell, from Scotland, was not known to have a sense of humor and threw Watson out their third-floor window, which became the first documented case in history of a Workers’ Compensation lawsuit.

Some of you might feel like April Fools’ Day is every day. I can relate to your plight. All my life others seem to be in third gear while I am having trouble just popping my clutch. At the University of Wisconsin in Oshkosh most students were much smarter than me. Their minds worked like an AK-47 with a fully loaded banana clip. I struggled by with only one bullet and it was lodged in the chamber. Maybe some of you know what I’m talking about.

I’ve never enjoyed April Fools’ Day pranks. If you are like me and find yourself a victim of a prank on April 1 follow my two simple directions to turn things around:

Start crying. Fall to the ground and weep uncontrollably. This is especially effective if a small crowd gathers around the two of you.

Shake your left arm and tell them there is a radiating pain toward your hand. You claim you’ve told them about your heart condition. Then you tell them you’re very cold and can’t see them. Start searching for them. Scream, “I can hear you but everything is so dark!” That stupid smile on their face vanishes rather quickly. Then you stand straight and say, “April Fool!”

Finally, just remember you can’t believe anything you hear or anything you read on this day. Look back at all that I’ve written to you today — April Fool!