Like the abuse they mischaracterize, stereotypes cut both ways. Society suffers the consequences.

In public health costs: Crime victims’ medical bills are often borne by public coffers).

In crime rates: Domestic and sexualized violence rates remain high in Idaho, while other violent crime rates decrease.

Lost economic productivity: Missed work, distractions, and harassment at work.

And most poignantly, tragic family violence cycles continue for generations.

Victims suffer long after the abuse ends, coping with psychological and relationship effects. It can take years, often a lifetime, to fully understand and conquer all the insidious ways abuse affects a psyche. Within families and society, mistaken perceptions perpetuate problems, or at minimum, do nothing to prevent their proliferation.

The one thing over which each person should have unfettered control is their own body. Forcefully wresting that power away is never justified.

The primary point of national awareness months is to educate, breaking stereotypes. April is both Child Abuse and Sexual Abuse Awareness Month. Read about it, think about it, and better yet, re-examine your own experiences, perceptions, and perhaps effectiveness by considering volunteering.

Be part of the change you want to see in the world.

An infamous Italian court reversed a rape conviction because the victim wore tight jeans; they figured getting them off took so much effort, consent was obvious. Look in the modern woman’s closet. Are we all “asking”? More to the point: Does clothing shift responsibility for another’s actions?

Easily obtained, colorless “rape” drugs are slipped in victims’ drinks, causing uncontrollable changes in behavior, memory loss, and limp muscles (“she acted hot for it”). Drugs or no drugs, “flirtatious” or not, at what point are we no longer responsible for what we do to someone else? No excuses.

You didn’t fight back? Why not?

Victims of all kinds of abuse can mentally freeze, facing trauma like a stationary deer caught in headlights. So most don’t “fight back” much, if at all. The fact that all sexual assault victims report a complex sense of guilt — that just indicates buyer’s remorse, right?

Wrong. That’s the problem with interpersonal and intimate violence: It’s as much psychological as physical. Often children who are abused also feel guilty. Guilt feelings are complex — a way the subconscious tries to rationalize what isn’t rational, so they aren’t synonymous with culpability.

Speaking of culpability, the community has some. Loud sounds next door and children with downcast eyes who seem afraid of a parent — that’s none of the neighbor’s business. Maybe the old man next door has too many bruises, but it isn’t the state’s place to raise a family. If I get involved, I’ll just become part of the “mess,” so who needs it?

We all need to. Such stereotypical conclusions and reactions are why abuse continues to flourish. Both society and economy pay. We don’t have to sit back and shake our heads in pity. We can improve our community now.

Nonprofits such as Safe Passage (sexual abuse and domestic violence, (208) 664-9303) and CASA (abused and neglected children in the court system, (208) 667-9165) need volunteers and funding.

Remember the Italian court? You can wear jeans (tight or otherwise) Wednesday, April 26 for National Denim Day. Inspired by that case, it’s a simple way to send a message that blaming the victim should have gone out with the Dark Ages.

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Sholeh Patrick, J.D. is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network. Email sholeh@cdapress.com.