AA's lesson in suffering

Suffering respects no limits or borders. Rich or poor, healthy or sick, lonely or surrounded by people — no one is immune. Suffering is rooted in the spirit, the most inner self. So that’s where its answer lies.

Regardless of its many translations, spirituality centers on humility. Without an origin of humility, no matter the ethics, religion, or particular philosophy, no spiritual pursuit can effectively eliminate suffering.

Thus, however defined and wherever found, man must tap into some higher power, to a perspective greater than himself. Humility facilitates, and strengthens, that connection.

Thanks to a wise and unnamed friend (many years sober), I’ve discovered that no one knows this better than a recovering alcoholic. Alcoholics Anonymous has something to teach everyone, beginning with the ironic connection between chronic inner struggles and the average person’s generally subconscious lack of humility.

Suffering is rooted in our thinking about it. Which means to feel it, we must be thinking about ourselves. That makes us — at least at moments of suffering — self-centered. And there’s the rub.

Here’s where humility and the notion of higher power comes in. To reduce suffering, we must place a “higher” priority on something other than ourselves. A higher power, meaning something with more power (over us, over our thoughts — the particular perception is less important than the exercise itself) than just one individual. Remove the focus away from “me,” and suffering wanes. Resentments fade. Sadness shifts to neutral.

It’s a relief.

One of AA’s favorite sayings is “lack of power is our dilemma.” Find a power other than self, and live by it. It’s empowering, and that’s the paradox. Letting go, surrendering one’s close-held power to a “higher” one, is what empowers and fuels confidence. Making humility the code to live by, refocusing on this higher power — whatever the personal interpretation, creates a power of its own: the strength to control oneself and one’s life.

For some, higher powers can change; whatever works. For many the higher power is God. Others see the higher power as an interconnected universe, or the oneness of all living things. I got through one of my hardest times in life by making my kids’ needs my higher power. One guy in AA said his higher power was the judge who could send him to jail. Seems obvious, but realizing

another had more power than he did was a spiritual turning point.

Another said his first higher power was a metal ash tray that his sponsor picked off a table at an AA meeting (self-described drunks have a great sense of humor). Non-believers sometimes use god as an acronym, e.g., Group of Drunks, meaning the AA group which has more power than the individual. Another one is “good, orderly direction.”

The particular choice isn’t what matters so much as the fact of it; AA also teaches that judging others puts the critic on a higher plane, thus undermining humility. Whatever the higher power, humility must direct us there or it doesn’t work.

So next time you’re suffering, take a page from AA: Look higher, and let it go.

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Sholeh Patrick is a columnist for the Hagadone News Network. Contact her at [email protected].