Dear Mr. Allen Zwiers,

My name is Jerry Martin, I saw the obituary for your beautiful Spirit-filled wife, Rebecca. When I read your words, "My heart will never love another again. I will love you forever honey"; I broke down crying and as I write, I'm still on the edge of tears. At 70 years old, I'm deeply saddened when I see such a young life that has ended so soon. Allen, your words, "My heart will never love another again. I will love you forever honey"; hit a deep cord with me. I for one am qualified to say; I know exactly what you are feeling. Please bear with me as I tell you something extremely personal. My prayer is that it will do two things; let you know you are not alone in how you feel and it will assure you that you will love again.

I was married to an angel for 26 years who didn't have wings but that is how she was described by many. We had fallen in love many times. Our two daughters had grown up and we were empty nesters beginning a new chapter in our lives; then she was struck with breast cancer and was gone 15 months later. That was the beginning of hell on earth for me over a period of 3 years. Now the extremely personal part of what I want to tell you and I hope will help anyone who may read this. Just a few months after Sharon died, I had received many cards and letters of condolences. One was from a young lady who had attended the church where I was a youth pastor 12 year earlier. I remembered the name because she had lead the choir in that church. In her card, she said it would be good to see me again. A few months later I looked her name up in the phone book and noticed her and her husband's name had different numbers. I called; and that was the beginning of an emotional rollercoaster for me; and I will say, for her as well.

I was a man deep in grief, lost in what was a "home' and now was a "house" full of silence, empty of life and joy and having once put a gun to my head but stopped when God caused me to recall the sound of my oldest daughter's deep wailing cry over the phone when I told her that her mom had passed; I couldn't put my children through that again. In that state of mind and desperation; the sound of this sweet lady's voice on the phone was like a welcomed pain pill…but it scared me because it brought up a feeling previously only given to my Sharon. Allen I'm going to cover 3 years quickly now because the main point of this confession is at the end.

This sweet lady and I went out for breakfast one morning and because we had known each other over 12 years before, connecting was easy…too easy. Because of the feelings stirred in me I asked God, "are You putting this lady in my life, is she the one?" The understanding I heard was, "yes." That was when I stopped listening and took over rather than waiting for Gods leading and timing. We married just 7 months after Sharon passing. That marriage lasted 9 months and she left me. I had tried to make her into Sharon and the fact is, she tried. We did love each other but it wasn't Agape love.

About 6 months later I began building a new home on the property behind the home Sharon died in and this sweet lady and I married again, then 14 months later it was over; she was not Sharon and my insecurities couldn't deal with it; I left her.

At this point I really went off the deep end, moved to California, shacked up with a lady there, drank for the first time in my life, and dated other women. Then one night I was lying in bed and began to cry out; "God help me, my life is going down the tubes, I know where I was, help me get back there." That was when I heard the understanding "as I call His voice" "Finally, you're getting out of the way." That sweet lady and I began talking long distance. The healing had begun. Believe it or not we were married for a third time July 14, 1997 and it has now been 20 years.

We have fallen in love many times and it is Agape love; because it was in God's timing. She is truly my best friend. By the way Allen; that sweet lady's name is Rebecca.

P.S. Allen, I lived the pain, I know the pain, if you want to talk to someone who knows; write me. You will love your Rebecca forever; but you will also love another; in God's timing.

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Jerry Martin is a resident of Post Falls.