Check out any Christmas card and the best of them look exactly like Coeur d’Alene after a freshly fallen snow. At this time of the year we all want to live in your town. If Santa owned a condo it would be in Coeur d’Alene. I grew up in Wisconsin where we could always count on a white Christmas. Then I moved to Los Angeles and had to put on sun screen before going outside on Christmas morning. It just isn’t the same.

My favorite Christmas memories were born in Coeur d’Alene. It was 1980 and my son was only 5. He once managed to remain standing in his plastic sled all the way down Cherry Hill. If you’ve been there you know how hard that is. Unfortunately, I didn’t have my Super 8 camera turned on and when I asked him to repeat this feat he never could. Some miracles are never caught on camera.

Another cherished Christmas memory was this farmer’s field just outside Coeur d’Alene. This field had a steep hill to it with a bump halfway down that would send you airborne in either a sled or giant inner tube. Some people sold hot chocolate at the top. I’ve never experienced such a festive feeling of community anywhere else. You felt like you were in Santa’s back yard.

The closest I came to Christmas joy in L.A. was working as a mall Santa Claus. Now they have schools to prepare you but when I started in 1977 you were on your own. I showed up for my very first job at the Del Amo Fashion Center in Torrance, Calif., where they had Santa’s sleigh outside in the blazing sun. My boss told me over the phone the Santa costume was in the basement of a shoe store near the sleigh. I put on the costume for the first time and stuffed a pillow under my Santa top, since back then I needed padding. Not so much now.

I knew absolutely nothing about being a Santa. I stepped outside the shoe store and children immediately shouted and waved enthusiastically at me. I gave them my best “Ho, Ho, Ho” and stepped up onto the sleigh. Suddenly everyone looked away. Parents were even covering their children’s eyes as if to protect them. Then I looked down and realized my Santa pants had fallen down to my ankles. Santa was waving to the children in his underwear. Nobody ever told me to pin the pants to the pillow. Just another reason why they now have Santa schools. To this day I worry that children have grown up believing Santa delivers toys in his boxers.

It was against company policy to take the Santa costume home but I did anyway. After grabbing some coloring books and candy canes from the mall, I would visit hospitals and housing projects with my 6-year-old son playing an elf. One day at a housing project a little girl sat on my lap and I asked her what she wanted for Christmas, as I had for hundreds of children. Most kids have a long list of toys they want. So many toys. This little girl looked into my eyes and said she didn’t want anything but asked if I could just bring her daddy back. Her parents had recently divorced and she missed him more than she could say. It took quite an effort not to break down but Santa never cries. All I could do was assure her things would work out. What else could I say? What would you say?

Forty years later I still remember her tears and that trembling voice. I’ve spent Christmas by myself more than a couple of times and it’s never fun. If there’s a lesson to be learned from that little girl it’s if you get to spend Christmas with your loved ones you’ve already been given the best gift of all.

My favorite Christmas movie is the 1951 version of “A Christmas Carol.”

To quote Tiny Tim:

“God bless us, everyone.”

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Tom Neuhoff is a comedy writer in southern California who is completely serious when he says, “Merry Christmas, Coeur d’Alene.”