You can take your Oscars and put them in a sorry little sack, because the most important movie awards of 2017 are here… and they come with the frattiest, most self-indulgent name in the business.

I need a couple more weeks to compile an official “Best of 2017” list. In the meantime, please enjoy these official awards, and remember, they’re just as meaningless as the Golden Globes.

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Best Hero Moment: Wonder Woman crosses No Man’s Land in “Wonder Woman”

Best Movie People Get Mad at Me for Recommending: “A Ghost Story”

Runner-up: “mother!”

Best Commentary on 2017: “Get Out”

Runner up: Online reaction to “Star Wars: The Last Jedi”

Best Movie You’ve Never Heard Of: “Brigsby Bear”

Worst Blockbuster: Tom Cruise’s “The Mummy”

Let the Franchise Die: “Alien: Covenant”

Runner-up: “Transformers”

Best Performance: Frances McDormand in “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”

Runners-up: Saoirse Ronan in “Lady Bird,” James Franco, “The Disaster Artist”

Just Give Him an Oscar Already: Gary Oldman in “Darkest Hour”

Best Debut Performance/ Best Performance by a Kid: Brooklynn Prince, “The Florida Project”

Best Performance in a Mediocre Movie: Salma Hayek in “Beatriz at Dinner”

Best Forgotten Performance: James McAvoy, “Split”

Underrated Performance: LilRel Howery, “Get Out”

Best Redemption (Tie): Kristen Stewart’s performance in “Personal Shopper,” and Robert Pattinson’s performances in “Good Time” and “The Lost City of Z”

Best Movie Born Out of a Bad One: “The Disaster Artist,” about the making of “The Room”

Runner-up: “Spider-man: Homecoming,” after the creative disaster of “The Amazing Spider-man 2”

The “Wish It Played Here Before New Year’s” Award (Tie): “The Shape of Water” and “Phantom Thread”

Most Shocking Scene at a Dinner Table: “Lady Macbeth”

Runner up: “The Beguiled”

Most Shocking Late Night Snack: “Raw”

Best Fight Sequence: The Throne Room, “Star Wars: The Last Jedi”

Runners-up: Jailbreak, “The Fate of the Furious” and Thor vs. Hulk, “Thor: Ragnarok”

Proof Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson Can Make Anything Work: “Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle”

Proof He Can’t: “Baywatch”

Best Send-off: Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) in “Logan”

Saddest Too Soon Send-off: Carrie Fisher’s final screen appearance in “Star Wars: The Last Jedi”

Best Musical Moment: The pageant in “Logan Lucky”

Runner-up: Title sequence, “Baby Driver”

Best Chase: The opening of “Baby Driver”

Ickiest Movie to Watch Post-Hollywood Sexual Harassment Scandal: “Baby Driver” (Thanks a lot, Kevin Spacey.)

Most Easily Forgotten: “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales”

The “Not a Movie” Award: “Justice League”

The Way Too Long Award: “Transformers: The Last Knight,” even after missing the first 40 minutes.

Funniest Movie: “The Big Sick”

Best 2017 Movie That’s Sorta-technically a 2016 Movie: “Your Name”

Most Surprising Plot Turn: Woody Harrelson (redacted) in “Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri”

Most Satisfying Climax: “Colossal”

Biggest Outlier: I didn’t love “Dunkirk,” a gorgeous movie saddled with a sterile screenplay.

Wished it Was Better: “Detroit”

Best “I Wish I Could Write That” Screenplay: Greta Gerwig’s “Lady Bird”

Insanity on Screen (Good): The Climax of “mother!”

Insanity on Screen (Bad): “Resident Evil: The Final Chapter”

Stop Saying It’s Good: The overbearing “Beauty and the Beast” remake

Stop Saying It’s Bad: “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” (Let it go, haters.)

Movie Made Seemingly Just For Me: “The Lego Batman Movie”

Runner-up: “The Disaster Artist”

The CGI is the Star Award: “Kong: Skull Island”

Teary-eyed Pixar Moment of the Year: The end of Pixar’s “Coco”

Most Frustrating 22-Minutes in a Theater: The “Olaf’s Frozen Adventure” “short” that played in front of “Coco”

Best Hairstyles: The cast of “Battle of the Sexes”

Best Looking Movie (High Budget): “Blade Runner 2049”

Best Looking Movie (Low Budget): “The Florida Project”

The “It” is Metaphorical: “It Comes At Night”

The “It” is a Terrifying Clown: “It”

Best Netflix Exclusive: “Mudbound”

Runner-up: “First They Killed My Father”

Worst Netflix Exclusive: “A Christmas Prince”

Runner-up: “Pottersville”

Best Netflix Performance: Carla Gugino in “Gerald’s Game”

Strangest Relic of 2017: Netflix’s “Bright,” a gritty cop movie starring Will Smith and an orc

Better Than the Original: “John Wick Chapter 2”

Best Worst Movie: “XXX: The Return of Xander Cage”

Best Guilty Pleasure: “The Hitman’s Bodyguard”

Runner-up: “Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets”

Biggest Whatever: “Power Rangers”

My Kids’ Favorite Movie: “The Boss Baby”

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Tyler Wilson can be reached at twilson@cdapress.com