Common wisdom calls for blaming Starbucks.

In 2003, the coffee mega-chain unleashed pumpkin spice latte on the world, and somehow that explains the explosion of “pumpkin spice everything” around this time of year.

It's a bit nauseating, especially for someone who doesn't even like pumpkin.

Me, for instance.

After the Starbucks abomination, we've seen things pop up like pumpkin spice pancakes, pumpkin spice fettuccine, pumpkin spice marshmallows, pumpkin spice underarm deodorant and pumpkin spice kale chips.

You can even find pumpkin spice seaweed, and just typing those words made me a little faint.

Although...

There is also pumpkin spice pet shampoo, which I can openly display to discourage Sammie the Cat from even thinking about bad behavior.

The most outrageous thing about all this pumpkin spice is that, like a lot of things in our lives these days, it's all a lie.

IF YOU check with any recognized authority on nutrition, you'll discover that there is no such thing as pumpkin spice.

It's a processed food flavor which contains little or no pumpkin.

Somehow that seems appropriate for reality these days.

Anyhow, there was mention here of blaming Starbucks for the pumpkin spice invasion. Maybe founder Howard Schultz should take the heat for putting this bizarre flavor into coffee, but our affair with pumpkin goes further back than that.

Frankly, I blame Peanuts.

Every October, Linus would have his heart broken while waiting for the Great Pumpkin to appear.

Just like the Valentine that never arrived or the ball he never kicked (because Lucy cruelly snatched it away), the Great Pumpkin was an annual no-show.

Oh, sure, I know pumpkins were around before Linus — carved into Jack-o'-lanterns you'd put in the window.

According to Wikipedia (source of all knowledge on Earth), the carving of vegetables has been a common practice in many parts of the world for centuries, and gourds were among the first.

Are you ready for gourd spice salsa?

It is believed that the custom of making jack-o'-lanterns at Halloween began in Ireland.

In the 19th century, “turnips were... hollowed out to act as lanterns and often carved with grotesque faces.”

The lanterns were said in some Gaelic regions to represent supernatural beings, and were used to ward off evil spirits.

SO, TURNIPS.

Shall we start carving them, too?

Maybe Starbucks will come up with a turnip spice latte. Linus will be waiting for the Great Turnip.

The point here is that pumpkins were never meant to be eaten, and my taste buds agree with that 19th century assessment.

Moreover, there's this:

If pumpkin spice muffins and pumpkin spice deodorant are so fantastic, why isn't all this pumpkin stuff in demand around March?

Or July?

The obvious takeaway is that we're such shallow consumers, a specific food — even a fake one — will be gobbled up with delight for one short season. and then discarded like sour milk for the rest of the year.

Does that make any sense?

Nah.

So please don't think me rude if I pass on the “traditional” pumpkin pie — and yep, I'll stick with my regular mocha latte.

That's probably fake, as well, but at least I enjoy it.

• • •

Steve Cameron is a special assignment reporter for The Press. He can be reached at scameron@cdapress.com.