The holidays can be a stressful time and Nancy Smith with Choices Counseling in Superior offered tools and words of advice how to “De-Stress ­— not Distress.” The luncheon was hosted by Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) Superior and Mineral County Licensed Addition Counseling (LAC) on Nov. 30 at the Choices Conference Center in Superior.

About a dozen people attended the luncheon and a main topic of discussion was on how to handle grief and loss during this festive season. One thing Smith recommended was to “find someone who is worse off or to help others who need it. It helps you to refocus your attention.”

Also, “make sure to acknowledge your feelings. It’s normal to feel sadness and grief. It’s OK to cry and express those feelings. You can’t force yourself to be happy just because it’s the holiday season,” she said. It may also help to create new traditions to replace ones that may trigger sadness.

Also, to reach out to other people, “if you can’t find someone to talk to than write it out in a journal. It gets the irritation out of you,” she said.

As the season gets into full swing there are so many activities challenging people, including shopping for gifts, concerts, family gatherings, baking and decorating. “Try to prevent stress and depression in the first place,” Smith said. “The holidays can take an emotional toll on you. Work to relax, slow down, and enjoy the season.”

Some ways to do this is to “ditch the great expectations,” she says. Whether they are self-imposed or made by others, expectations can keep people from enjoying themselves. Also, be realistic about how much can be accomplished and realize that families grow and change. As families change, rituals often change as well. If adult children can’t come home, find new ways to celebrate together. SKYPE, share photos, or consider meeting at a mutual location.

Other suggestions Smith made are to “learn to say ‘no’, people will understand if you can’t participate in everything.” Also, limit time spent with family or friends who may cause stress, and try to accept difficult people as they are, even if they don’t live up to personal expectations.

When people get overwhelmed, “it’s like eating an elephant, do it one bite at a time,” Smith recommends. Self-care is also critical and people should remember to exercise, and eat right, “go for a walk, chop wood, do yoga ­— just get off the couch.”

Other self-care exercises include turning off electronics, take a warm bath, do stretching exercises, and remember to reflect on the “reason for the season,” she said. “It helps ground us to invite the Spirit in your life.” For these and other ideas on how to de-stress for the holidays, visit online at vp-mi.com, “De-Stress for the holidays.”