A man walks into a bar and sits down.

He asks the bartender, “Where can I get a candy bar?”

The bartender replies, “There’s a vending machine over there.”

So the man walks over to the machine, and as he is about to buy some candy, the machine suddenly says, “Oi, you bloody idiot.”

The man says with surprise in his voice, “That’s not very nice.”

He returns to his bar stool without a candy bar and asks the bartender for some peanuts.

The bartender passes the man a bowl of peanuts and the man hears one of the peanuts speak, “Ooh, I like your hair.”

The man says to the bartender, “Hey, what’s going on here? Your vending machine is insulting me and this peanut is coming on to me. Why’s this?”

The bartender replies, “Oh, that’s because the machine is out of order and the peanuts are complimentary.”

- • •

Laughter really is the best medicine, so let’s “medicate” together.

Send your best bad, corny, punny jokes. Keep ’em clean and don’t be mean.

Email your ghastly groaners, with your full name and hometown, to: mdolan@cdapress.com.