A wise centenarian once told me, “You’re never grateful enough until it’s gone.” It was one of those magnetic conversation bites that instantly attracts. It changed how I view grief.

I had never considered grief as gratitude. It is expressing thanks for the gift.

Last week, Ash Wednesday fell on Valentine’s Day. In the Christian tradition Ash Wednesday begins the season of Lent — those final weeks leading to the crucifixion of Christ. It is a time of grateful grieving — and preparation for the joy of Easter resurrection. Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” In His life “friends” included the entire world.

This kind of love gets me every year. The “laying it down” kind.

Love takes us beyond caring just for ourselves — even with its risk of pain or betrayal or loss. But we love anyway. Why? Because we have to. Giving and receiving love is a living, breathing need in people.

We have a family dynamic where one in our group came from a hard background. There wasn’t a lot of affection. In the early years among us the love we displayed was tested again and again. But with time — and seeing that the love was real, wasn’t going to be withdrawn, this person began to accept it. And then prosper in it. And eventually return it.

Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day are not such an unlikely combination. Just as grief and gratitude are a bold mix—so are grief and love. The allure in these pairings is even when grief is present, gratitude for relationships and the joys of love are life’s most powerful magnets.