L.J. Krumenacker, an Idaho native, discovered fossilized eggs of a large Oviraptorosaur along with fossils of the carnivore Tyrannosaurus in North Idaho. That’s old news.

What’s truly shocking is that just last week, footprints of a Tyrannosaurus rex were discovered in Hayden and carbon-14 dated to be only a few weeks old! For those of you Coeur d’Alene residents not familiar with the T. rex, you’ve got 9 tons of attitude heading your way! (You’d have attitude too if you were born with arms too short to shuffle a deck of cards.)

A handful of our finest citizens were quick to report sightings of the dinosaur. Joe D. was the first to see the T. rex after it trampled through a patch of blue delphiniums he had just planted. Understandably upset, he immediately emptied an AR-15, recently acquired at a gun show, into the T. rex. Everyone knows Joe can shoot a pea out of a sparrow’s mouth at a hundred yards so there’s no doubt several hundred rounds hit the dinosaur but that didn’t even slow it down. The last time he saw the T. rex it was chewing on his satellite dish like it was Chinese carry-out.

Lucy E., long respected for having her finger on the pulse of Coeur d’Alene, called 911 to complain the T. rex was violating several bylaws by sleeping in McEuen Dog Park after 11 p.m. After being put on hold for a second time, Lucy let loose with a barrage of flashbang grenades. People witnessing this event say the T. rex ran out of the park screaming like a little school girl. Nobody, not even a carnivore from the late Cretaceous period, messes with Lucy.

Mike T., an amateur paleontologist and botanist, was the only citizen in Idaho to suspect we were dealing with more than one T. rex. He collected body fluid samples from both dinosaurs by hiding in an elderberry shrub (Sambucus cerulean) but would not elaborate further on his collection technique until his clothing returns from the dry cleaners. DNA analysis by the Panhandle Regional Office of Idaho Fish and Game later confirmed Mike’s suspicions: There are dinosaurs among us!

Four days after Maureen Dolan of the Coeur d’Alene Press broke the story of this portal from the Cretaceous Period, Sharon C. reported a 6,600-pound Oviraptorosaur inside the Sunset Lanes bowling alley. Sharon made it abundantly clear, right off the bat, to the 911 operator that bowling was not her first choice for a Saturday night, but since Spectrum had recently dropped the Fox Network, she had simply run out of options. She didn’t panic as the dinosaur tore up the lane next to hers and was confident she would have nailed that 7-10 split if the huge saurian hadn’t sat on her bowling ball, thinking it was one of her eggs. Soon after the bowling ball failed to hatch, the gigantic herbivore lumbered out of the building, leaving Sharon to thoroughly enjoy the remainder of Sunset Lane’s Thunder Extreme. She finally returned home later that night with a newfound love for bowling only to discover she was still without her beloved Fox Network. Sometimes, even in bowling, you just can’t catch a break.

It’s been only a week since Coeur d’Alene saw its first dinosaur and already our entire community is jaded. Doug W. was leading his Coeur d’Alene chapter of the Audubon Society on its annual Rathdrum Prairie Hawk Survey yesterday and not a single photo was taken when a flock of pterodactyls flew overhead. What is happening to us?

Just in case some of you were about to order those popular dinosaur repellent lotions online: April Fools!

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Tomfoolery Neuhoff provided this preview for possible mischief ahead.